A Guide to End a Long-Distance Relationship the Nice Way

Getting over relationships is always a very exhaustive process. It breaks the people involved in the relationship and at times ends up creating long-lasting animosity between the couples. There is no right way to break up though.

People in a relationship can only hope that it is mutual and that both partners realize that it was the right thing to do. 

Ways of ending your long-distance relationship in a pleasant manner

Breaking up in long-distance relationships is even more difficult. This is mainly because couples in a long-distance relationship would have invested so much time and effort into it, that to convince yourself that it was all for nothing could be heartbreaking.

But noticing when the relationship has hit rock-bottom and when it is time to move on is extremely important. 

Staying in a relationship that has run its course can be the worst mistake that a couple can do. Although the conversation of breaking up is the most difficult one you can have, do know that there are ways to make it as agreeable as possible.

Make sure to break up over a conversation

It is not easy to talk to your partner and tell them that you have decided to break up. Many times, people in a long-distance relationship take the easy route out.

Since they are far apart, they choose to break up over a text or a mail or in the worst cases, decide to go totally AWOL.

None of these are kind or decent ways of letting your ex-partner know that you are moving on. You have to engage in conversations with them and take your time to make the point across. It is the toughest act to commit, but the right one as well.

Make it a face-to-face one, if possible:

It is understandable that in a long-distance relationship, it may not always be possible to have an in-person conversation with your partner, but if you can manage that then it would be the best option.

In the absence of the possibility of you traveling to them, try to get on a video call with them. If you cannot bring yourself to do either of these, then at least get on an audio call with them. Leaving audio messages is not an option either.

Reasons to press for a conversation

There are some definite reasons why we place so much emphasis on the conversation. The conversation helps in:

  • Clearing doubts and misnomers that you guys might have about each other. There might be underlying hostilities in both of you and it is perfectly alright to clear those problems before breaking up.
  • Showing respect to your partner. If you guys have been in a long-distance relationship for so long, then you must have respected each other a lot. As such, your partner deserves to hear it from you, and not find it out over a text or voice mail.
  • Making sure that they are alright. When you have an actual conversation, you get an idea as to how they are reacting so that you can be sure they are fine. You will never know how your partner might react to a text message.

Do not make it an out of the blue move

Breakups are never sudden. They are a very gradual process. Unless the reason for the breakup is you catching your partner cheating on you or vice versa, they take time.

And as such more often than not, both partners have a fairly good inkling that something is amiss with the relationship.

Usually, partners try to talk through it and make things work and when that fails, they realize that a breakup is inevitable. And when both the partners know it and decide to move down that path, it becomes a much easier and friendlier process.

But sometimes, there might be a situation where your partner is perfectly fine in the relationship and it is just you who would rather move on.

Let them know something is not working:

There may be times when it is just one of you who feels like they want to end it. It can be a bit daunting to bring up the subject especially if your partner does not seem to be expecting it at all.

You have to let them that you are increasingly unhappy in the relationship and that you guys might have grown apart. 

Have frank and honest conversations with your partner about why you are different people now and why that has led to your relationship not working anymore for you.

Let them know that you would much rather have both of you happy and apart than sad and together.

Why making it gradual helps?

Having a gradual breakup is much less shocking and painful for your partner. Apart from it is advised because:

  • It gives your partner the time to convince themselves that it is over. Denial is a major aftereffect of breakups and the quicker that your partner accepts the fact that it is over the easier it would be for them to move on.
  • Gives them time to introspect what they think. If it is a one-sided breakup, your partner might find it extremely unfair. But given the time they too might realize that it was for the better.

Be well prepared as to how you are going to do it

It is very easy to say something that you will regret later while breaking up. It is a very tense moment and adrenaline, and emotions are running high. You are letting a partner know that you cannot carry on with a relationship with them. 

You have no idea how they might react to it. In such a situation if you are not prepared, you might utter the most insensitive or the most illogical words. They can make the situation worse than it already is.

Apart from that, it will also display the lack of seriousness that you have put into the thought of breaking up.

Let them know you have thought this through:

When you have prepared well, you would know exactly what to say and how to say it. You would also be in a better position to predict how they are going to react. This will enable you to tackle their various queries and volatile emotions if needed.

When you are prepared with what to say and how to say it, it shows the empathy that you hold and how well you have understood your partner over the years.

Make a list of things you are going to say. 

When you start and engage in a conversation for which you are prepared it helps in:

  • Letting your partner know that it was not a spur-of-the-moment thought and therefore you must have had genuine reasons for resorting to a breakup.
  • Showing them the amount of respect, you have for them that you took the effort of thinking this through rather than coming in unprepared.
  • Helping you from backing off. At times, when it is not a mutual breakup the other partner might try to convince you to get back in it. You can only hold it off if you have thought this through and know for sure that a breakup is what you want.

Treat the breakup no different from a regular one

Long-distance relationships are no regular relationships. The commitment and investment required by both partners are much more.

And therefore, there is always a risk of the breakups being more confusing for the people involved. Most of the couples are in a doubt as to how to go about it. 

Should they make it a one-way communication and then start ignoring the other person entirely or should they sit down together and talk it out. But it would serve well to both the people involved that at the end of the day the despair and the heartbreak are the same irrespective of how far or close they are.

Give them a chance to express themselves:

In this confusion of breaking up over a long-distance relationship, do not make the mistake of assuming it to be different from a normal breakup. Once you have made your reasons for wanting a breakup clear, ask them what they have to say. 

Listen to them intently and sincerely. Answer their questions if they have them. Just because you might be talking over the phone and you have the choice of canceling the call at any moment, do not do it.

Keep the communication intact

Whether you are getting into a new relationship or continuing in a relationship or calling it off with someone, effective communication is always required. It helps in:

  • Understanding the reasons for breaking up for both the partners. Once the reasons are realized both of you can let go of anger and maybe even stay friends.
  • It always helps a person to talk their feelings through. After all, you guys were together all these years, and your partner must have invested a lot of effort in it. They deserve a chance to make their feelings appreciated and heard.

Be patient while breaking up

Towards the end of a relationship, you never know how the feelings might be. Two people who might have been very close to each other would have had a number of reasons to grow apart. It is true that you should work through the problems in your relationship. 

It is very easy to give up on a relationship but if a couple values each other, they should try their best to make it work. But is it always possible to come through all the time?

All relationships may not stand the trials they go through and couples need to identify when it is time to end it. 

Do not hurry it:

But even when the partners realize that the time on their relationship has come to an end, they should show the decency and care that their partner deserves.

Do not hurry up the breakup. It would be very tempting to end things over a quick call because that final conversation is a very difficult one.

It involves a lot of explanations and reasonings which is not an easy talk to have. But showing the patience and fortitude to talk through to the end and finish it on a mutual note is very important.

Advantages of being patient

Nobody wants to be left in the lurch at the end of a relationship especially when it is a long-distance one, where the partner might not have their usual support system around them. Patience helps in:

  • Your partner getting the opportunity to express their feelings and make their points across.
  • Leading the relationships to an amicable end. Given the time and effort, all animosities can be brought to an end through a patient conversation.
  • Keeping a good last impression of you. In most probability, the breakup is the last time that you and your partner might interact with each other. Let both of you get away with fond memories of each other. Being patient helps in that. 

Be honest about the reasons of breakup

If honesty is important during a relationship, it is even more important when the relationship is coming to an end. Trust is the paramount quality required in a long-distance relationship.

When two partners are miles apart, the entire bond depends upon them knowing that they can depend on their partner to be faithful towards them. 

It is a common mistake that people make while breakup up to assume that it is alright to hide the reasons for breaking up. But this is a mistake that should not be committed even if the breakups are not mutual. Honesty helps in healing wounds.

Let them know the real reasons:

Honesty requires a lot of strength. It is very easy to break up without engaging in difficult conversations. But letting your partner know why you have decided to take this step is important. It is even worse to lie to your partner about the reasons. 

If you have met someone else let them know that. If you think you guys have just grown apart let them know that too.

Maybe the reasons might sound stupid, or even put you in a bad light, but be strong and face up to it. Let them know.

Ensure both of you get closure

The most important thing at the end of a relationship is to get closure. Without getting a finality in a breakup, moving on can be a really difficult task. And the biggest harm you can do to your partner after a breakup is not helping them in moving on. 

As someone who spent so much time with them, it is your responsibility to help them get on with their life.

Giving them closure requires you to tell them the reasons for the breakup. If it had something to do with their behavior or actions, do not shy away from saying so.

Do not ghost them:

But not being open about the reasons is not the only manner in which you can deny the closure. You could do much worse. You could ghost them, i.e., not tell them at all that you are breaking up. The mental toll that this can have on a person is unfathomable. 

Never leave them guessing either. Make sure that both of you are on the same boat when you split up. Do not leave them confused if you are going to patch up in the future if it is a temporary break or you are done for good.

Be empathetic towards your partner

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and imagine how you would want to be treated in a similar situation. That is the main thing, be empathetic. Providing closure will help them in:

  • Convincing themselves that the relationship is over, and they can no longer come back to it. Although it might hurt them in the short run, it would embolden them to move on in the long run.
  • Seeking help for themselves, be that a professional one from a therapist or a personal one from friends and families.
  • Above all, it will help in ensuring that they are left with images of you as a kind person who made sure that they were alright till the very end.

Verdict

Ending long-distance relationships in a nice way is a tedious task. Especially because you might miss the point altogether. It totally makes sense to put in the work when you are together.

But to most people, it would make no sense to have the tough talks while breaking up. ‘Why care now?’ is a very typical sentiment to have when calling it quits.

But that is where you come across as the right kind of person. When you care for a person who may not be in your life any longer. When you can care for a person who is moving away from you, it means that you are inherently a good person, and you valued the relationship that you had.

All relationships, irrespective of their durations deserve a civilized end to it, and as partners, it falls upon us to ensure it does.

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