How To Build Trust In A Marriage: 20 Smart Ways

Trust is the core factor in a happy and healthy marriage. Suppose you have problems trusting your partner or notice such behavior on their part. In that case, it’s time to pause for a moment and analyze the situation before it worsens and ruins your marriage’s understanding and affection.

Tips On How To Build Trust In A Marriage

Reasons for lack of trust in your marriage:

There are various reasons for your inability to build a strong relationship foundation with trust and empathy. Though couples with different mentalities and personalities go through a range of issues that affect their ability to trust their partner, these are common reasons for growing mistrust in your marriage.

  1. You suffer from childhood trauma.

Our basic behavioral skills develop in our childhood. So, if you have been raised in uncertain conditions, you lack the understanding to navigate life and consequently have difficulty trusting others in the future. For example, a kid with divorced parents finds it difficult to believe in the concept of marriage.

  1. You are anxious about attachments.

If you suffer from attachment anxiety issues, you always approach others with a negative view of yourself. You are so afraid of rejection that you maintain a safe distance from people who might love and care for you. Even your partner’s cues of compassion and understanding seem threatening to you.

  1. You have a fear of losing control.

Trusting someone means you let them take care of you and other responsibilities that include you. But if you are used to doing everything yourself, giving up control and trusting someone wholeheartedly becomes challenging. You try to control others, thereby underestimating their capabilities and opinions.

  1. You are afraid of being vulnerable.

You always live in fear of being rejected when you open up to someone. You fail to express your emotions because you are uncomfortable being vulnerable, even to those who trust you. Also, this refers to your inability to take risks or do something out of your comfort zone.

  1. You are not sure of their reliability.

Maybe your partner is not true to their word, and they have no sense of commitment or discipline. This makes you think if you can trust them with something very important. It is okay to do something yourself and get it correct instead of trusting the job to someone irresponsible.

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Ways to be more reliable:

  • Don’t promise what you cannot fulfill.
  • Say yes more often.
  • Apologize if you can’t stick to your word.
  • Be a person with positive affirmations.
  • Don’t seek credit for what you are doing.
  • Respect others’ opinions equally.
  • Try to over-deliver.
  • Make plans ahead of time.
  • Surround yourself with reliable people.
  • Respect everyone’s time.
  1. You have suffered through social rejection.

If you have had experiences of friends and loved ones cutting you out, betrayal and mistrust grow within you. Since you have never had strong friendships or relationships, you are afraid to trust anyone who says they love and care for you. Your intense trust issues come in the way.

  1. You have unrealistic expectations from your partner.

Based on your childhood and past relationships, if you set high expectations from your partner and if they find them difficult to cope with, that may lead them to break your trust. So, if you don’t communicate your expectations, your partner is clueless, and you become uncomfortable in the marriage.

  1. You are romantically jealous.

If you suffer from jealousy and insecurities, it’ll affect your reliability with your partner. Constantly worrying about your spouse being attracted to someone else or falsely interpreting that they are having an affair results from a lack of trust. This behavior stems from the experiences of past relationships.

  1. You think about your partner’s past relationships.

If your partner has had failed relationships, it makes you judge them. If they have ended things with several people badly, you have difficulties opening up to them or trusting them with your emotions. If you fail to see the positivity in your spouse, this mistrust can have negative consequences.

  1. You are afraid of infidelity.

If you have caught your partner cheating on you, it becomes a major cause of mistrust. Despite your genuine approach to the relationship, their actions make you question your bond and everything else. Only with proper communication, time, and dedication can you hope to build trust in your marriage again.

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Common causes of infidelity in a relationship:

  • Excessive use of social networking sites.
  • Inability to deal with problems head-on.
  • Porn addiction.
  • Addiction to alcohol and drugs.
  • Suffering from boredom.
  • Lack of healthy relationships.
  • Feeling unwanted and unvalidated.
  • Living apart for a long time.
  • Trying to take revenge.
  • Dissatisfaction with one’s partner.

Ways to Rebuild Trust In a Relationship

You can rebuild trust in your relationships even after the most devastating betrayal or misunderstanding. All you need is commitment and understanding working between you and your partner. If you are prepared to make amends, compromise, and accept your mistakes, you can get out of this situation and move on.

  1. Make a commitment.

If you want to rebuild trust with your partner, you must heal your relationship’s emotional wounds. Both partners have to commit to doing everything it takes to do that. If you think doing all the hard work to save your marriage is worth it, you should do so with dedication.

  1. Both of you must share responsibilities.

Follow the mantra- ‘We are in this together.’ So, even if this situation has arisen due to your partner, don’t blame everything on them. Support each other in every difficult situation, no matter what, because unity and empathy are the only things you need to rebuild trust in your marriage.

  1. Work on your communication.

To improve your emotional understanding, develop better communication with your partner. Ask more open-ended questions that help you understand the situation better and find a solution. The worst thing about your marriage is a lack of proper communication. Talking openly will help you process the problem and rebuild trust efficiently.

  1. Embrace the attempt to repair your relationship.

You can only start rebuilding trust in your marriage when you are sure you want revenge or repair. If your partner is genuinely sorry for their betrayal, don’t be reluctant to accept their positive attempts to repair your marriage. Doing so will only increase your chances of getting a divorce.

  1. Have a fixed time to discuss it.

Instead of arguing about the reason for mistrust in your marriage 24/7, set a particular time for it. This allows you to have a productive session which will help you find a way to rebuild trust more easily. Also, you will not make unwise decisions resulting from unexpected emotions.

  1. Have a non-negotiable marriage meeting every week.

This is a great way to talk about your problems and rebuild trust in your relationship. Discuss topics like things you did for each other the whole week, how you shared responsibilities, or if you spent enough time with each other. Avoid being too critical or defensive towards your partner.

  1. Redefine your marriage rules.

Another effective way to rebuild trust in your marriage is to have self-imposed rules. If you have betrayed your partner, doing this can give them a sense of control. Develop a set of non-negotiable regulations for your marriage. This helps partners set their boundaries and stop marital issues from escalating. 

  1. Develop a culture of mutual appreciation

If you can find a way to appreciate and validate each other in the marriage, you have better chances of rebuilding trust. Focusing more on your partner’s positive qualities takes your mind off the bitter things. It also allows you to share a sense of ‘we-ness’ and promotes stronger unity.

  1. Honor your struggles.

Every marriage goes through obstacles. So, while you are in the process of rebuilding trust, think deeply about how you have survived more difficulties in your relationship. Rather than being skeptical and questioning your connection or blaming it on your partner, communicate about your commitment and deviation towards the marriage.

  1. Cut off contact with the person you or your partner has had an affair with.

If the mistrust in your marriage is due to one of you having an affair, realize your mistake and cut off all contact with that person, physical and emotional. This can be difficult, but know that getting a third person involved in your relationship will just ruin three lives simultaneously.

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Reasons to block an ex-lover permanently:

  • You must stop being curious.
  • You must get closure.
  • You should not deal with unwanted mental abuse.
  • You should have peace in your life.
  • They cheated on you.
  • You must spend time alone to heal emotional wounds.
  • You must avoid guilt trips.
  • You must save yourself from unexpected coincidences.
  • You must avoid comparisons.
  • You do it before they do.
  1. Be transparent about unexpected encounters with the affair partner.

Transparency is very important in the process of rebuilding trust in a relationship. If you or your partner had an affair with someone, you see at the workplace or elsewhere, inform your spouse and be honest about your reasons every time you interact with them. Don’t hide anything from them.

  1. Don’t talk about your partner behind their back.

If your partner is the reason for mistrust in your relationship, avoid trash-talking them to others. Remember that your goal is to improve your relationship and not be critical of your partner.  Don’t vent your feelings to someone who may ruin the process of rebuilding trust in your marriage.

  1. Be honest about the betrayal.

If you have betrayed your partner, tell them everything that happened. For example, if you had an affair, tell them about how you met that person, and the affair gradually expanded. Communicating openly about your mistake can help you understand the situation better and not engage in a destructive process.

  1. Create a proactively transparent ambiance.

Our emotions often obstruct honesty and trust in our relationships. If you are proactively transparent while rebuilding trust, highlight important details of the betrayal without your partner asking about it. This expresses your genuine wish not to ruin the relationship and symbolizes your accountability.

  1. Understand that vulnerability is power.

You must be vulnerable to create a sense of emotional security with your partner. It’s the only way to strengthen your bond and keep the spark in your relationship alive. Consequently, you will successfully rebuild trust and compassion in your marriage. This also preserves emotional intimacy between partners.

  1. Evaluate your questions.

Before discussing how to go on with rebuilding trust, make a list of constructive questions. Your queries should not be offensive or judgmental; they are merely for you to understand the problem and how you can come out of this inappropriate situation easily without affecting your unity.

  1. Evaluate your answers.

If you have betrayed your partner, you must answer their questions honestly. Hiding the truth will only worsen the situation and take you to a stage where rebuilding trust and understanding in your marriage will be impossible. So, avoid giving disturbing or confusing answers that may create a burden later.

  1. Seek professional help if needed.

A couple might have difficulty dealing with a betrayal. It is so overwhelming and confusing that they will fumble about how to begin the process of rebuilding trust. In that case, consult with a marriage counselor. They will help you navigate your problems and find a solution more efficiently.

  1. Plan, plan, plan!

Remember that only you and your partner can find the easiest way to rebuild trust in your marriage. Put your minds together to develop a plan to help you avoid future disputes and misunderstandings. Do what boosts your friendship and connection, and avoid playing blame games or avoiding the issue.

  1. Remember that forgiving takes time.

It would be impossible for you to process your partner’s betrayal and forgive them instantly. Everything takes time, and rebuilding trust in your relationship will take time. So, don’t stress yourself out trying to forgive your partner, and get back to a secure and happy relationship. Give it some time.

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Reasons to forgive someone:

  • Everybody makes mistakes; nobody is perfect.
  • Everyone tries to be better.
  • Everyone deserves a second chance.
  • Everyone changes when given a chance.
  • You should not suffer from the burden.
  • You must move on in life.
  • You have better emotional growth.
  • You learn to be optimistic and generous.
  • You become an inspiration to others.
  • You learn to appreciate beauty.


Remember, it takes genuine effort, dedication, and willingness to rebuild trust in your relationship. The ways mentioned here are some of the simplest things you can do to start your journey to improve understanding, communication, and empathy in your marriage. Both partners should support and love each other unconditionally.

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Ways to be dedicated to your relationship:

  • Develop a commitment statement.
  • Greet each other every day.
  • Discuss your likes and desires.
  • Spend more quality time with your partner.
  • Have honest communication.
  • Appreciate and validate your partner.
  • Never play blame games.
  • Do not try to change them.
  • Learn to make compromises.
  • Establish a strong friendship with your partner.

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