Nobody loves ugly fights with their partners in a relationship. But we must accept the hard truth that you cannot avoid these situations.
If you are always honest with each other and have high self-esteem, you will disagree on some matters. What matters is how you deal with it.
Always have control over your emotions.
Our actions are mostly guided by our emotions, especially when we are fighting. So, even if this disagreement is nerve-wracking for you, don’t lose control of your emotions. If you can keep calm and think radically instead, you will stop fighting and find a solution to your problems more easily.
Always let your partner finish before you talk.
Arguments in a relationship should be constructive; they should help you understand the aspects you must work on. So, think of it like a conversation and let it be both-sided. Don’t be so rude as to interrupt your partner when they are expressing their views or feelings regarding the matter.
Never disrespect your partner.
If you want to stop fighting and not let this disagreement escalate to a more bitter level, you have to respect your partner, no matter what. Bad-mouthing them or saying something that can offend or hurt them will just provoke the misunderstanding, and you will probably go on fighting forever.
Don’t be afraid of conflict.
A major mistake we make is thinking that avoiding a conflict situation might help us stop fighting. Things never work that way. The longer you beat around the bush, the worse it becomes. Rather than a sudden burst of your emotions, it is always better to discuss the issue directly.
Never bring up past issues.
If you keep bringing up past fights, you will just escalate the intensity of the situation. Doing so expresses that you still hold on to your grudges and are trying to make your partner feel miserable. Always focus on the present situation and discuss the problems you have right now.
Don’t handle multiple issues at the same time.
If you try to handle all your relationship issues at the same time, you will never stop fighting. If you want to resolve your problems, understand your priorities and see what problems need to be addressed right away. Don’t stress your partner out trying to fix everything in one go.
Ways to be a better multitasker:
- Don’t set unrealistic goals that you know you can’t fulfill.
- See if you have enough time to fulfill your goals.
- Make a list of everything you have to do and how you plan to do them.
- Prioritize the tasks that you need to do right away.
- Plan every day of the week.
- Group similar tasks if possible.
- Don’t rush into anything, do everything at a steady pace.
- Avoid things or people that might distract you.
- Remind yourself that it is also important to take a break.
- Don’t lose your focus, no matter what.
Never generalize your problems.
Another golden rule to follow if you want to stop fighting and resolve your issue is to never generalize your problems. Saying things like ‘You always do this or ‘You never do that’ makes your partner think as if they are responsible for everything. Instead of blaming them, be supportive.
Never lash out at your partner.
Fights between partners generally start escalating when they keep lashing out at each other or playing the blame game. If you want to stop fighting, you have to stay calm and composed, no matter what. Emotional aggression during disagreements will never help you find a solution or make things better.
Try to understand your partner.
Suppose your partner has made a huge mistake. Instead of fighting about it instinctively, try to be understanding. See if you can understand their perspective. Accept their apology if they are truly repentant for what they’ve done. Facing the situation radically might help you avoid a more uncomfortable situation ahead.
Don’t criticize your partner.
If you want to stop fighting, address the issue as a unit and focus on the problem, not each other’s flaws. Support each other throughout the disagreement, and never judge your partner for what happened. Teamwork and dedication are the keys to finding an effective solution to your relationship problems.
Express your feelings and expectations openly.
You cannot expect your partner to read your mind and understand how you feel about something. So, if you want to stop fighting, you have to be open about what you want or how their behavior made you feel. Effective, heart-to-heart communication is all you need in a good relationship.
Don’t play the blame game.
When you blame your partner during fights, it not only makes it difficult for you to stop fighting but also affects their self-esteem badly. This eventually creates an emotional distance between you and leads to further ugly fights. So, understand that playing the blame game will not resolve your problem.
Never talk about breaking up.
If you speak of breaking up over some trivial fight, it expresses your reluctance to be in this relationship, and things get worse. Thinking of breaking up with your partner just because they messed up will not stop the fight; it will just bring mistrust and insecurity in your relationship.
Never leave the problem unsolved.
If you want to stop fighting, you have to make sure you have ended the issue, and it will not bother your relationship anymore. If you do not find out the root cause of your problem and find a permanent solution, the issue will keep coming back into your relationship.
Don’t bring competition into your fight.
Being competitive helps you achieve career goals or fulfill your passions. But it doesn’t work for your relationships or, more importantly, during a fight. Remember that your aim is to stop the fights and resolve your differences, not make a point or prove to your partner that you are correct.
Signs that you are an overly competitive person:
- Nobody wants to do any fun activities with you.
- You are ready to go to any length to win.
- You won’t even let a loved one win at something.
- You never have a ‘causal’ argument.
- Whenever you play a team sport, things are sure to go out of hand.
- Even working out at the gym is a challenge.
- You are not familiar with the concept of ‘fun’ games.
- You drive ferociously on the road.
- You are not ready to make any compromises or exceptions.
- You act cool if you lose, but deep down, it is killing you.
Don’t involve your family members in fights.
If you want to stop fighting, always treat the issue like grown-ups. Dragging each other’s families or involving your children will help you find a solution; you will just end up hurting their emotions and offending their loved ones. So, no matter how complicated your situation, never involve family members.
Think of your children.
This one is for married couples. If you have children, you don’t even need a reason to stop fighting. Think how your constant fighting and ill-treatment of your partner affects their budding mentality and perspective. They are forced to suffer from the emotional burden of being in a broken family.
Be mindful of your language.
Fights often become unreasonable when partners start using foul language. Name-calling your parents or using offensive language just makes the situation worse, and eventually, things go out of control. So, keep your mind calm and always be mindful of what you are saying. The degrading language will only aggravate the problem.
Be ready to compromise.
If you want to stop fighting, you have to come to a conclusion that both you and your partner are okay with, and this demands compromise. If you aren’t ready to overcome your ego and adjust for the sake of your relationship, you’ll never find a solution to your issues.
Never withdraw from the p[roblme.
Avoiding the issue to stop fighting is not the solution you are looking for. Even when you don’t know how you will react in adverse situations or if you are emotionally balanced enough to handle this fight, address your issues head-on. Withdrawing yourself and not having a conversation doesn’t make sense.
Don’t keep going in circles.
Despite having ugly fights and plenty of disagreements, you don’t reach somewhere. Your discussions aren’t productive because all the yelling and blaming don’t help you find a solution. So, always remember that going in circles and accepting things the way they are is not going to give you a solution.
Don’t tire yourself out.
Stop fighting when you realize that it is tiring you out physically and emotionally. If you pressurize yourself to keep fighting unless you have made your point, this could be very harmful to your mental health. So, if you don’t feel well, take a break and spend some time alone.
Don’t fight based on your assumptions.
If you try to find a solution to your problems by assuming the circumstance or what your partner feels about it, you are just fooling yourself. You cannot pick a fight because you think something happened or your partner did something wrong. Always justify your annoyance and speak facts only.
Have balanced fights.
You are having a disagreement with your partner when only one person says everything and the other listens. Your fight is therefore based on one person’s thoughts and opinions only. So, if you want to stop fighting, you must have a balanced conversation where both partners equally speak and listen.
Keep your fights to yourself.
Resolving a fight becomes more difficult when you involve other people in it. When you discuss your issues with other people who are not involved in this relationship, your thoughts and actions are influenced by them. So, always have a one-to-one conversation with the person you are having issues with.
Don’t get physically violent.
You have to immediately stop fighting when you realize that things are going out of control and you or your partner is tending to be physically violent. No matter how serious your problem is, you can never abuse your partner, physically or emotionally. So, always have control over your emotions.
Plan for similar situations in the future.
A part of handling complicated fights in relationships is also to plan how you can avoid such situations in the future. Learn from your mistakes and chalk out a strategy you and your partner can use to deal with disagreements. This way, you will never hurt or offend your partner.
Do what makes you happy.
If you focus on trivial issues and don’t stop fighting, you will miss out on the wonderful things in your relationship. Remind yourself that having a loving and healthy relationship is more important than winning an argument or proving a point. Don’t get stuck on who’s right and who’s not.
Try to create a more positive ambiance.
If you want to stop fighting, you have to create a peaceful ambiance first. Make your partner laugh or do something to release the emotional tension of the disagreement. Don’t overdo the humor, but a lighter environment might make you feel better and prepare you to have a peaceful conversation.
Seek professional guidance.
You’ve tried out everything, but nothing works for you. You and your partner keep having these ugly fights, and you have zero respect for each other. In that case, there’s nothing you can do to stop fighting. Go to a relationship counselor who can help you handle relationship issues efficiently.
The quicker you stop fighting, the better it is for you. Disagreements are a normal part of all relationships, and you can’t ignore them. But if you can be patient and understanding enough to stop fighting and find a solution together, there are chances your relationship will work out well.
When is it normal not to fight in a relationship?
- You have just started dating and are still in that ‘lovey-dovey’ phase.
- You have been in this relationship for too long to get into silly arguments.
- You disagree with each other but know how to be respectful and supportive too.
- You never avoid discussing uncomfortable topics, but you do so with patience.
- One of you is over-dominant in this relationship.
- You have reached a point where both of you are emotionally stable.
- You have set your boundaries, and you never overstep your limits.
- You don’t lose your calm during important and difficult conversations.
- You have a very stable ‘argue and makeup’ cycle.
- You are always there to fulfill each other’s emotional needs.
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“Compassion, understanding, and connection” – these three words describe me the best. I founded “TheLoveBoy” to share joy of Love. As a self-taught practitioner, I have been studying the dynamics of human connection for the past decade and my passion lies in sharing my insights with others. My mission is to help individuals cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships