30 Marriage Check-In Questions

Before you get married to someone, or even when you are in the marriage, communicating with your partner is important. Make sure your feelings and expectations from this relationship are mutual and positive. These marriage check-in questions will help you better understand your connection to each other and the marriage.

30 Questions You and Your Spouse Can Ask Each Other

Which habits of mine do you like?

This is a very important question to understand why your partner likes you. It makes you feel appreciated by the person you are living with. Also, you get to know each other better. If some of your habits make them happy, try focusing more on them to make them happy.

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Ways to break a habit:

  • Identify what triggers you.
  • Focus on your need to change.
  • Get support from friends.
  • Be more mindful.
  • Replace it with a healthy habit.
  • Leave reminders for yourself.
  • Know that you may slip.
  • Don’t follow the all-or-nothing mindset.
  • Take baby steps.
  • Change the environment.

What is that one thing I used to do that you want me to do?

Our habits change with time. Ask your partner if there is anything they miss about you. You get to know the habits and qualities they appreciate about you. If you can do anything to make your partner realize you care for their happiness and make efforts for them, do it.

What is the one thing you want me to improve?

Positive criticism from your partner can help you grow as a person. This is more applicable when you are married because you are living with each other. Let your partner point out your bad habits or something they think you can work on so that you have a better relationship.

Do you think we have good communication?

The key to developing a good understanding with your partner is effortless communication. Talking to each other and spending time together- are important things for your marriage. If you think you are having trouble communicating with each other, talk about it openly and understand the root cause of your problems.

What do you think we can do to improve as a team?

While being in a marriage, always remember, ‘we are in this together.’ So, discuss with each other if you can do anything better to grow as a team. Supporting each other in good and bad times, having proper communication, or avoiding blame games- see what your marriage needs to improve.

How do I pray for you?

If your partner is going through a tough time, you should always be there to support them unconditionally. Ask them how you can pray for them or make them feel better. This will show your genuine empathy and concern and make them realize that you will always be for them.

Do you think you can be yourself around me?

In a marriage, you must be able to be yourself when you are with your partner. There should be no fake thoughts and emotions; talk to them if you think your partner is having difficulties doing so. Understand what their problem is, and don’t be casual or judgmental to them.

Do you think we should work on our sex life?

Many couples are dissatisfied with their sex life but are afraid to discuss it openly because they think they would upset their partner. But, instead of brooding on it yourself, it’s better to have an open and detailed conversation. Find out ways in which you can improve your sex life.

Do you want me to do something special for you sexually?

We all have our fantasies and specific needs when it comes to sex. The most important thing is communicating with your partner and knowing what they want. It’s not just about doing it because you can; get intimate to know each other better physically and emotionally and develop deeper emotions.

Are you happy with our sharing of responsibilities?

As a married couple, you share your responsibilities. But, your partner may be thinking of some duties as a burden. Supporting each other means talking about your responsibilities too. Discuss how you can have a better understanding to ensure there is balance in your relationship and you get equally supported.

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Ways to learn sharing responsibilities:

  • Decide who does what.
  • Don’t split your tasks.
  • Take turns to do the same work.
  • Stay united, no matter what.
  • Accept changes.
  • Calm yourselves.
  • Thank each other.
  • Don’t blame each other for mistakes.
  • Appreciate each other’s support.
  • Learn to forgive.

Do you think I lack commitment?

You have to be fully committed- to your marriage and your partner. If you think you have not been able to fulfill your responsibilities lately, talk to your partner and realize how they feel about it. Let them tell you if you can do something to express your commitment better.

Are you struggling with something?

Your partner may not always be comfortable discussing their problems because they don’t want to bother you. Talk to them if your instincts make you feel they are in trouble. Make them feel safe with you so that they can share their problems and trust you to find a solution.

What attracts you most about me?

Everybody likes to be complimented by their spouse. Also, this strengthens your bond and makes you realize why you fell in love with each other. Ask your partner to list your most attractive traits so that you get to know what they think about you. Do the same for them.

What is your dream date idea?

Not all your dates have to be how you want. Talk to your partner about their wishes and if they want to have a special date with you. Try making their dream come true so that they can see your efforts in the relationship and become more attached to you.

What is something we should have done together?

Your partner will not always speak openly about their complaints and grudges against you. So, have an open conversation where you find out what may have caused discontent in their hearts. Maybe there was something you should have done together but didn’t. Try fixing the situation to make them happy.

Do you feel we understand each other?

If you have dated each other before getting married, you have to notice the changes in your communication and understanding because it is essential. Have an open discussion about how you understand each other better than before. If not, find out what causes problems and try working on it together.

Has our love for each other changed?

When you have been with someone for a long time, the relationship equation will change from time to time. But your adoration and respect for each other should never be hampered. Talk about your love and notice if you still have a similar approach to each other’s likes and dislikes.

Do you feel respected?

As already discussed, mutual respect and adoration are very important between partners. If you think you have been rude or disrespectful to your spouse for some reason, talk to them about it openly. Let them express their feelings genuinely, accept your mistake and try your best to redeem the situation.

Do you feel accepted?

Each person has a specific personality. Acceptance is very important when you marry someone quite different from you. You will love and respect them for the person they are, and nothing should come your way. So, talk openly and find out if you can feel each other’s genuine acceptance.

Do you know an ideal married couple?

Finding out an ideal couple- someone you have seen on TV or are your friends is important. You must never compare your relationship with others but knowing someone who handles marriage better than you can be a scope of learning. Try to identify the differences and find out your problems.

Do you feel we give each other enough space in our marriage?

Recognizing boundaries and giving each other space in a relationship is very important. For example, if you spend time together, make sure you also let each other spend equal time with family and friends. Constantly being with each other and doing everything together can often be harmful to your marriage.

Do you think I support your goals and passions?

Your spouse’s unconditional support and motivation can be very important in your path to achieving your goal in life. You know that a loved one will always be there to help you. Having a supportive partner who believes in us is so important because it boosts our confidence and willpower.

Did you expect something different from our marriage?

Our expectations from a relationship and our partner may not always be fulfilled. So, discussing each other’s ideas about a perfect marriage is also important. We may not succeed in providing them with the perfect results, but our attempts to do so show our dedication and love towards the relationship.

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Ways to have a healthy marriage:

  • Spend more quality time together.
  • Negotiate conflicts together.
  • Value mutual respect and adoration.
  • Learn yourself first.
  • Explore various forms of intimacy.
  • Explore similar interests.
  • Connect spiritually.
  • Have effective communication.
  • Forgive and forget.
  • Concede each other as a priority.

What is your favorite memory of our marriage?

Reliving the good times you have spent together makes you feel more connected to the marriage and each other. A special date night, the first movie you watched, or the first time you cooked for your partner- cherish these memories together. You would feel lucky to have each other forever.

Have I ever been too critical?

We all expect positive criticism from our partners because it helps us grow mentally and emotionally. But, avoid being too judgmental or rude while expressing your opinions. So, talk openly about their feelings and apologize if you are wrong. Your words or actions should never make your partner feel unworthy.

What is the biggest adjustment you have had to make for our marriage?

Adjustment is an important aspect of your relationship. You realize things don’t always happen your way, and you accept the situation if it makes them happy. Knowing how your partner also adjusts to make you feel better or avoid arguments makes you feel humbled; your respect toward the marriage grows.

What can I do to help you grow as a partner?

You should be a source of strength and inspiration for each other in a marriage. Discuss what you can do to boost each other’s emotional growth. If you can help your partner improve at handling your relationship, accept that they can do so too. There is nothing humiliating about it.

How can I appreciate your strengths and weaknesses?

Your partner has their strengths and weaknesses. You must learn to support each other in every situation. So, ask them if you can be a more understanding partner. Alongside responsibilities, people in a marriage should share emotions too. Appreciate their strengths and let them know it’s okay to be vulnerable.

What do you expect from me as a spouse?

We all have different expectations from the person we are getting married to. Knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, and most importantly, expectations, makes you handle your marriage more easily.  You know what your partner wants you to do or say. So, you never have to worry about their response.

Are you happy to be in this relationship?

Couples brew discontent and anxiety in their hearts because they can’t speak openly to their partner. Consequently, their marriage turns into a disaster. But talking to each other about your approach to your marriage assures you that you are on the same page. Mutual happiness in a marriage is essential.

Conclusion

Being on the same page with your partners is very important before getting married or while you’re married. Clear communication and effortless understanding lie at the core of a good marriage, and these check-in questions help you review your partner’s standpoint. We hope they make your marriage easier to handle.

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Tips to solve marriage conflicts:

  • Be direct.
  • Don’t play blame games.
  • Never say ‘no’ or ‘always.’
  • Pick your fights.
  • Be a better listener.
  • Don’t object to each other’s complaints instinctively.
  • Look from a fresh perspective.
  • Do not show contempt for each other.
  • Don’t be overpowered by negativity.
  • Know when you need a timeout.

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