20+ Questions to Ask Your Lover

We all know how important good communication is in a romantic relationship. So, if you want to have a better connection with your partner, you have to ask questions. Here are some interesting questions you can ask to know your partner’s preferences and understand them as a person more easily.

“Can you depict your life to me in 10 minutes?”

This is not just a question you are asking, and it’s a challenge. It makes them share with you the most important things in their lives, things or incidents that mean a lot to them, and they are comfortable sharing with you. It gives them a scope to reflect on themselves.

“What is something that always makes you smile?”

It can be a person, a place, or merely a food item. Highlight their favorites. Show interest in things that excite them so that you can bond more smoothly with them. Also, when you know the things that make them happy, you can use the knowledge to surprise them later.

What, according to you, is the strongest foundation stone of a relationship?

These questions help you gain insight into their approach and perception of the relationship. You will get to know what they expect from you as a partner or things they think will make this relationship stronger. It’s always important to consider your partner’s feelings and thoughts on your relationship equally.

Do you see this relationship getting serious in the future?

This question is essential if you are confused about where this relationship is going. You cannot think of having a serious relationship if your partner isn’t ready for it yet. So, instead of hurting your expectations, it’s better to talk it out while you are still in the casual phase.

What about our first date is the most memorable thing for you?

It’s very important to remember the reasons why you feel in love in the first place. So, asking these questions will help you relive old memories and realize that you have come a long way indeed. Think about your first date, first kiss, and things that help you reconnect better.

What about me attracts you the most?

We love to hear compliments, especially when it; ‘s from our partners. Ask such questions to see how much they appreciate you and what about you attracts them or makes them want you more. Remind each other of the reasons why you feel so lucky to be in this relationship.

What makes you want to be in this relationship?

First impressions are okay, but once you are comfortable with each other, you have to look beyond the superficial aspects and find out why you choose to be with each other. If you don’t have a reason to be in this relationship, you can never be dedicated to it wholeheartedly.

Who do you love most in your family?

This is not just to express interest in their family or get to know them. When you ask about personal things, they can feel a sense of comfort with you. You are subconsciously expressing that their family and other life aspects matter equally to you because you truly love them.

How can I help you become a better person through this relationship?

Relationships work when partners help each other grow emotionally. So, getting to know your partner also includes understanding how you can be his go-to support system. Learn what keeps them motivated during tough times; share their happiness and success. Let them know you are here to encourage them in everything.

What are the things that keep you grounded?

This will help you understand how humble your partner is. While they share it with you, it also comes back to them why life is beautiful and the things they are grateful for. Also, they realize that you are already fulfilling your responsibility as a partner and keeping them grounded.

At what age do you want your life to stand still forever?

Some are great during their 20s, others in their 30s. Asking such questions will make your partner reflect on their best version and also on their capabilities. Use nostalgia to captivate their mind because most people miss their childhood and get emotional thinking about it. Try to feel their emotions.

What is your love language?

Every person has a different love language, and while you are getting to know each other, it’s important to discuss this aspect too. Since no two people express love in similar ways, knowing your partner’s way will help you avoid unrealistic expectations and know when they are expressing their adoration.

What difference in our personalities makes you feel good?

You and your partner have different habits and qualities. These differences create a sort of harmless tension in your relationship, which is very useful if you want better chemistry. You embrace each other for who you are, and you can see things from both perspectives. This helps you avoid disagreements.

What do you mostly listen to- your heart or your mind?

While some people are emotional, others tend to approach everything with a logical perspective. So, a part of understanding your partner better is also to know if they prioritize logic over emotions or vice versa. This will help you during future disagreements because you know how they look into matters.

What is a major dealbreaker for you in a relationship?

We all have deal breakers. While you are discussing the good things about this relationship, you must also talk about these matters to avoid ugly fights in the future. Also knowing your partner’s dealbreakers will also help you decide if you want to be in this relationship ahead or not.


Major deal breakers in a relationship:

  • Your partner abuses you physically or emotionally.
  • Your partner is ashamed to tell people about your relationship.
  • Your partner is constantly canceling plans with you.
  • Your partner engages in substance consumption.
  • Your partner is not loyal to you.
  • Your partner stops very low during fights.
  • You have a constant gut feeling that something is not okay in this relationship.
  • You and your partner have different expectations from each other.
  • Your partner is very selfish.
  • Your partner cannot overcome their insecurities.

If I came to your place for dinner, what would you serve me?

Questions like these are just for you to understand their food and cultural preferences. Asking relationship questions doesn’t necessarily mean serious ones; these trivial facts are very important and help you a lot too. For example, if you can cook, you can surprise them someday by cooking their favorite recipe.

If you could, what would you like to control? Your past or your future?

Some people live their lives based on past memories and experiences. For example, someone who has been seriously hurt in a past relationship doesn’t want to fall in love anymore. Also, some consider possibilities more important, and they are optimistic about life. See what your partner prefers in this case.

What is a perfect day according to you?

This is a great way to know how you can make your partner feel special by giving them the perfect day they’ve always dreamt of. Ask them what they generally like to do on a date and arrange a special day for them. This shows how much you love them.

What song describes you the best?

These little questions will help you to understand your partner’s personality and what they think of themselves. Music is intricately related to our lives, and it helps us connect with ourselves better so that we can share a good connection with people. You will reconnect with your partner through music.

Do you think astrology is real?

Gain some interesting insight into how they perceive the world around them. You may not have similar opinions regarding these matters, but it gives you the scope to discuss issues and, consequently, have good communication with your partner. Even talking about random stuff is essential in a relationship.

If your house is on fire, what is that one item you would die to save?

It’s important to know about things, people, or memories that your partner cherishes wholeheartedly. It can be something their parents gifted them, or they bought with their hard-earned money. Knowing their materialistic priorities helps you honor those things because it’s important to show that you care equally in this relationship.

Which magazine do you want to be on the cover of?

Again, this is a great way to know how highly they think of themselves. You can also easily understand if your partner is a full-time nerd, fashion enthusiast, or some kind of a diva in his mind. Also, you get to know the magazines and platforms they are fond of.

What is your dream vacation?

You will eventually go on a trip with your partner. Knowing what places your partner likes or how they like to spend their free time while on vacation. This will ensure you give them the perfect vacation they’ve always wanted, making them feel special and also showing that you care.

Would you save money to buy a villa or spend it on a world tour?

Is your partner a practical or adventurous person? If your preferences don’t match, you will get into bad fights regarding your finances later. See if you are on the same page, or at least you know about each other’s outlook on spending money. You can also learn from each other.


Reasons to save money:

  • You are financially independent and never rely on someone else.
  • You don’t have to worry about paying off debts.
  • You are always prepared for unforeseen emergencies.
  • You can make a large expense if you need to, anytime.
  • You can fulfill your dreams whenever you want.
  • You always have money for medical requirements.
  • You can plan a lavish life after retirement.
  • You can travel leisurely and spend as you like.
  • You can make investments, thereby earning more money.
  • You can easily provide for your family and children.

What one principle would you teach your children for sure?

You may not want to get married and have children right away, but you can always discuss your upbringing. See what moral values and principles matter the most to your partner and how much they prioritize teaching children things so that they can grow up to be better human beings.

What do you get more intimidated by, criticism or compliment?

This gives you an insight into their upbringing, and you know how to deal with them during complicated situations. While flattery and compromise work for some people, others prefer constrictive, to-the-point comments that help them assess the situation realistically. You can support or motivate them better when they need you.

What kind of wedding do you dream of?

This might help you get a picture of how your wedding day will be when you are both ready for it. See if your partner wants a lavish ceremony or would rather prefer a quiet evening with just your loved ones. This will also help you plan the wedding easily.

Where do you see yourself five years from now?

Your partner will expect you to support their goals in life. So, if you have an idea of what they aspire to be in the next five years, you can support them accordingly. It also helps you know your partner’s ambitions or how determined they are to achieve greater things.

What’s that one thing that has been on your bucket list forever?

This is a great way to know something they are very passionate about and fulfill their dreams to show how truly dedicated you are to them and this relationship. For example, if your partner has always wanted to go to Paris, you could surprise them with a quick vacation there.

What does ‘happily ever after’ mean to you?

If you see a future with your partner, you must know how they dream of spending their lives. We all dream of fairy tale love stories, and if your partner has one in mind, you can make them feel special. Make them feel grateful to have you as a partner.


Effective communication is the best way to know your partner and find ways to make your relationship better. If you don’t make an effort to understand the person they are, you aren’t genuinely investing your time or feelings into this connection. Also, if they ask you such questions, answer honestly.


Things you should never discuss with your partner:

  • Don’t have conversations about your past relationships and your equation with your exes.
  • Don’t talk about incidents where you cheated on someone.
  • Don’t discuss your family issues or if you dislike a family member.
  • Don’t discuss details about your previous sex life.
  • Don’t talk about someone you have a crush on.
  • Don’t discuss past incidents of extreme trauma and depression.
  • Don’t discuss each other’s weaknesses or faults.
  • Don’t bring up old arguments.
  • Don’t try to change anything about them.
  • Don’t discuss complicated financial issues. 

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