You can only be completely happy and satisfied with a relationship when there is mutual respect and equality in all aspects. But, if you are with a controlling husband, you must consider this problem seriously and try to fix your issues. Here are some important signs of a controlling husband.
He isolates you from your family and friends.
A controlling husband will always apply isolation tactics to your relationship. He will either try to physically distance you from your loved ones or convince you that nobody loves and cares about your happiness as much as you think. He will always try to place himself as your biggest priority.
He is bad at accepting criticism.
We all have our flaws, but if you have a controlling husband, he will get defensive every time you say he is wrong about something. Even the slightest hint of negative opinion on your part upsets him, and therefore, you always have to be careful not to hurt his ego.
He is unnecessarily clingy.
The biggest sign of a controlling husband is that he doesn’t respect private space. He always wants to do everything together. He keeps calling you to know where you are. This might be an effect of jealousy, but it also signifies his sense of power and control over your life.
The wrong person is always you.
Being with a controlling partner for a long time will alter your thought process in such a way that every time you go through a crisis, you think you are the wrong one. You are never good enough for them. This can be very harmful to your self-esteem and confidence.
He is a close-minded person.
Your partner has some opinions and beliefs that he will stick to, no matter what. He is so close-minded that he never even tries to view things from a different perspective. If you are with someone who constantly shuts down your views and feelings, he is trying to control you.
Signs of a narrow-minded person:
- They have a habit of generalizing everything.
- They are judgemental about everything.
- They never share their core beliefs with others.
- They are very poor at socializing.
- They enjoy pinpointing someone’s weakness.
- They never embrace new ideas/opinions.
- They only talk to their friends when they are feeling low.
- Once they find out a negative attribute in someone, they cannot interact with them.
- They hate people who disagree with their thoughts.
- They are obsessed with being right.
He tries to sabotage your growth.
A controlling partner will always try to sabotage your flourishment, physical or emotional. When you work hard on yourself and try to make yourself a better person, he criticizes you. This is because he doesn’t want to lose control over the naive you and so doesn’t encourage any positive changes.
He wants to be in charge of finances.
Married couples should always devise a way to handle money efficiently but together. So, if your partner tries to gain control of your income and expenses as a couple, he doesn’t trust you and wants his deacon to be final. Nowadays, financially abusive behavior in married couples is very common.
You are hurt by his sarcasm.
We all enjoy good humor, especially from our partners. But if your partner’s way of teasing or joking with you feels like bullying and hurts you, he is deliberately being condescending. He needs to stop saying ‘just kidding’ while being mean or offensive to you. Nobody should hurt your self-esteem.
He loves you conditionally.
If your partner loves you only during the good times of your life, his love is conditional. Life isn’t perfect, and you will go through difficult times. If you never find your partner’s support or sympathy during tough times, he just wants to be in an all-take-no-give relationship with you.
He makes you question reality.
A controlling husband will exhibit passive-aggressive behavior. He will gaslight you, never being direct about what he is thinking. There arise situations where you end up questioning your relationship. This only gives your husband the upper hand for control. So, you should never tolerate a power imbalance in your marriage.
He is jealous.
Whether it’s a male friend or great progress at work, your husband will always have hidden jealousy. The competition between you is unspoken yet very strong, and if not handled wisely, it will give rise to disputes. Also, things might get worse, turning this jealousy into a sort of paranoia.
Signs someone is jealous of you:
- Their compliments for you are insincere.
- They always try to copy your thoughts and actions.
- They flaunt their successes more than they are.
- They will give you bad advice intentionally.
- They love to dish the dirt on you.
- They always try to compete with you.
- They criticize you for petty reasons.
- They have a tendency to cross their legs.
- They will celebrate your failures.
- They will try to spoil your plans and goals.
He is comfortable with invading your privacy.
There is nothing to hide between two married partners, but that doesn’t mean you can invade each other’s privacy whenever you want. If your husband is going through your stuff or checking your phone, he wants to show you that he controls your life, and you must tell him everything.
Your needs and feelings aren’t important.
Your partner will only try to control you when he is selfish and wants to take advantage of the physical and emotional relationship he shares with you. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries and is only concerned about his needs, consider it an important red flag and fix it immediately.
He tries to dominate you sexually.
If you are made to do sexual things for him that make your husband feel superior, this is also a sign he’s controlling you. He must know he may not get sex whenever he wants it. Before trying to show control over your body, he has to respect it first.
He keeps threatening you.
A husband who is controlling and abusive in nature will often threaten his wife that if she doesn’t behave accordingly, he will leave her and end this relationship. Most women let their husbands be controlling in fear of not letting this happen. This is extremely harmful to their mental health.
He is a liar.
A controlling husband will be disrespectful enough not to bother telling you the truth, and this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Even when you accuse him of lying, he manages to find excuses or behaves rudely to make you think as if you are the more controlling one.
He misbehaves with your family and friends.
A selfish and controlling husband will not even have the decency to hide his true self before your loved ones. He doesn’t bother to respect you and, therefore, has no responsibility to be decent and kind to your family and friends. He has zero emotional involvement with your loved ones.
He tried to control your physical appearance.
Has your partner ever asked you not to cut your hair or not wear blue because it doesn’t suit you? This is a sign of controlling behavior as well. They want you to look and behave according to their preference and try to control how you dress and make up.
He controls your feelings.
Nobody will understand how you feel about something unless you tell them. So, if your partner tries to tell you how to react or feel about something, he is trying to control your emotions. Remember that nobody can make you feel happy, angry, or grateful unless you do it wholeheartedly.
He is unsupportive of your emotions.
If your husband is controlling, he has no interest in your personal growth. Your ambitions and passions don’t excite him, and he doesn’t bother to support or motivate you. Rather, he tries to make everything difficult and is too selfish to be interested in something that doesn’t include his welfare.
How to deal with a controlling husband?
Being with a controlling partner is difficult. The constant micromanaging and criticism are often too much to handle. Instead of accepting their indecency and doing nothing about it, you should be calm, talk about it openly and find ways to address the issue. Here are some ideas to try out.
Don’t freak out.
Firstly, don’t lose your calm. Arguing or fighting will not solve your problem. Remember, never say or do something that escalates the intensity of the situation or worsens your relationship. Try to find out a solution without shouting unnecessarily for being offensive to him. Help him get a fresh perspective.
Help him come up with a plan.
Use his controlling nature as a way to remedy the issue. Tell him honestly how you feel about his behavior and then find out ways in which he can control this controlling behavior. Again, this strategy will not work if your partner doesn’t accept his problem in the first place.
Be understanding and kind.
Yes, he has a problem but don’t treat him badly. Be an understanding partner, see why he acts this way, and look at things from his perspective. This way, you can avoid getting angry when he acts unwisely. Again, disrespectful behavior is never excusable, even if it’s from your partner.
Ask constructive questions.
The best way to deal with a controlling partner is to look them in the eye and ask questions directly. This will show them that you are not giving up your freedom of speech or action. Let them know they are being unreasonable and indecent, and make them respect you.
Know that you will face denial.
A controlling husband will not accept he is so. So, convincing them that their behavior is inappropriate will surely take some time. If your partner is being stubborn, don’t lose your calm. Be extra respectful and patient, and don’t stop until he gets your point. Eventually, he will understand you.
Signs you are in denial:
- You always avoid discussing the issue.
- You refer to other people’s examples to prove you don’t java a problem/
- You promise you would control yourself to get rid of your well-wishers.
- You always deny a problem instantly.
- You try to rationalize your abusive behaviors.
- You play the blame game.
- You don’t pay attention to your loved ones’ concerns and advice.
- You bounce back but only for some time.
- You try to manipulate your improvement process.
- You firmly believe in ‘It’s my life.
Know when to set boundaries.
After you’ve had a clear conversation with your husband regarding their controlling attitude, make your boundaries clear to yourself and to him. Tell him you are not willing to tolerate his negative attitudes, and he needs to correct them if he truly wants this relationship to be equal and peaceful.
Inform him of the consequence of this behavior.
Let your partner know that you are having issues with his controlling behavior; inform him of the consequences he’ll face if he doesn’t work on it. For example, tell him that if he is disrespectful to you one more time, you will have no option but to leave the house.
Go to a counselor.
If your partner has serious controlling issues, talking to him or devising these strategies might not be helpful for you. Before things go out of hand, go to a counselor and seek professional help. A trained person will help your partner accept and work on his issue more efficiently.
Don’t allow yourself to get isolated.
While trying to control you, your partner will try isolating you. He will have a problem with you going out with your family and friends or spending time by yourself. Stand up for yourself and don’t accept his indecent behavior just to protect the relationship or not cause a dispute.
Don’t internalize criticism.
A controlling husband will constantly try to make you feel as if you deserve to be treated badly and criticized. Remember that you are not being a selfish or rude person in asking for respect and honor from your partner. You deserve the best and should always fight for it.
Any form of abuse in any relationship is inexcusable. Try to fix it peacefully but respond and act on it before things go out of hand. No matter how much you love your husband, if he’s controlling and refuses to change his behavior, you have to be strict with him.
Reasons to ignore while coming out of an abusive relationship:
- You can’t stay because you love them.
- You can’t blame your actions.
- You can’t stay to protect your children.
- You cannot consider it as a no big deal.
- You cannot stay because you have been together for a long time.
- You must not be afraid of future relationships.
- You should not be bothered about financial stability.
- You cannot be weak and vulnerable.
- You cannot live in their fear forever.
- You must never be bothered about what people would think.
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“Compassion, understanding, and connection” – these three words describe me the best. I founded “TheLoveBoy” to share joy of Love. As a self-taught practitioner, I have been studying the dynamics of human connection for the past decade and my passion lies in sharing my insights with others. My mission is to help individuals cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships