30 Things to Discuss Before Marriage

Marrying someone can put a lot of pressure and stress on you. But before proceeding with the arrangements, you must have an open discussion with your prospective partner. Some important questions must be addressed before two people are bound together in love forever. Here are some questions you can ask.

Things to Discuss Before Marriage

What are your finances like?

Discussing finances can be a bit uncomfortable, but it is one of the most important things to consider before getting married. You must talk to your partner about the management of money after marriage and if any of you has any debts or potential overdrafts. You should be completely honest.

Do you want to have kids?

This is a question you must ask each other before getting married. Having kids is a choice, and if you differ from your prospective spouse in this matter, you should have an open discussion. Before getting married, you should be on the same page with your partner regarding this aspect.

How will we raise our kids?

Everyone has a different approach to handling kids. If you want your future children to grow up in a healthy environment, you should discuss your parenting ideas with your would-be spouse. This will help you approach future differences of opinion. Your childhood experience can be helpful in this discussion.

Can we have kids straightforwardly?

Many people get married without discussing issues of infertility or preference for IVF, adoption, or surrogacy. It leads to disputes between couples when they have to act on it. Parenthood is a complex matter, and couples must be clear about each other’s thoughts regarding this matter before getting married.

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Useful tips for couples adopting a child:

  • Be patient because this will take a while.
  • Find out as much as possible about the child’s background.
  • Be minimal about the kid’s room.
  • Expect a growing relationship with the kid’s birth parents, if any.
  • Have a support system.
  • Keep it low-key the day they come home.
  • Always keep your child close to you.
  • Allow the kid to adjust with you and your family.
  • Give them time to love and accept you.
  • Cut yourself some slack.

What is your view on religion?

Spirituality has different meanings to different people, and we must accept that gracefully. So, always discuss your views on religion and see if you are compatible with your partner. Religious beliefs greatly impact relationships, and if you know each other’s views clearly, you can get married with a better understanding.

What kind of wedding do you want?

Before you get married, talk about your idea of a perfect marriage, Exchange your likes and dislikes, and you will get an equally acceptable wedding. If your partner wants a small ceremony but you are keen to have a lavish affair, you can compromise when you know each other’s demands.

Where are we going to live?

Suppose you live in the city, but your partner wants to live in the countryside after marriage. So, the place where you’ll have your new ‘home’ together must be decided early on. This gives you a vision of your future life and lets you discuss if you share similar goals.

What is your idea of a dream house?

The joy of having a house after marriage and decorating it together is inexplicable. Before you start making important decisions, talk to your spouse about their idea of a perfect house. This house belongs to both of you, and it should have things that mean a lot to both partners.

How will we share our finances?

There should be equality in marriage in every aspect, especially finances. So, before you get married, discuss how you will share responsibilities, more importantly, financial ones. For example, if you pay for electricity, your partner should buy groceries. This arrangement will help you avoid further disputes regarding this matter.

Do you think we should save up for something?

Every couple dreams of buying something together after getting married. Discuss with your partner what it would be and how you plan to save up for it. Whether it’s a dream vacation or a dream car, decide what you are going to do together. This boosts unity in your relationship.

How will we divide the chores?

Once you are married, you must share responsibility. Your partner should never feel pressurized with duties while you can spend time leisurely. So, discuss clearly how you would split the chores so that the burden doesn’t land on one person alone. This is a great way to support each other.

What are your political views?

Political views are an important aspect that needs to be discussed before marriage. If your views are different from your partner’s, think about how comfortable you are with them. Differences in political opinion can often lead to trouble between partners, especially if they are socially involved in related job fields.

What is your idea of good sex life?

This might be awkward to discuss, but it’s better to have this conversation before getting married. Your expectations from sex should match with your partner. You must understand and respect each other’s bodies and souls. It is equally relevant as emotional understanding and should be clear and acceptable.

How will we deal with each other’s families?

When you marry a person, their family and friends become yours too. You share responsibilities toward each other’s loved ones, and discussing how you would deal with it before getting married is good. Your family is their priority too. You have to treat everyone with equal respect, concern, and love.

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Tips to impress your partner’s family:

  • Dress according to the occasion.
  • Take a gift with you.
  • Be prepared for everything.
  • Let them do the talking.
  • Don’t involve your partner too much.
  • Don’t try to be a show-off.
  • Don’t indulge in unnecessary PDA.
  • Watch your partner’s ways around them.
  • Don’t go into the ex-factor/
  • Know that you always have another chance.

How do we celebrate special occasions?

There are plenty of special occasions you get to celebrate together after getting married. From birthdays and anniversaries to religious festivals. Your celebrations would be a bit different from when you were single. So, talk more about how you would spend these special days creating beautiful memories to cherish forever.

What is your dream holiday?

People have different ideas about dream vacations. Some prefer mountains and others beaches; many like to go hiking or biking. Before you plan your honeymoon, know each other’s likes and dislikes. You can plan something fun for both of you, which will help you make better plans in the future.

Is your career your biggest priority?

Before getting married, you should clearly understand your partner’s approach to his career and this relationship. See if they love doing what they do. Also, being ambitious is good, but you must ensure that his career goals don’t hamper your relationship after marriage. Know what you want from this relationship.

What to do with your last name?

This is a common question every man should ask his prospective bride. Remember that changing their surname is a decision they should make freely, and whatever it is, you must accept it positively. A surname doesn’t express your feelings for each other. So, you should not focus more on that.

How much alone time should we give each other?

Having boundaries and respecting your partner is equally important in a marriage. You don’t always have to be together to have a strong relationship. Talk about how you will both provide each other with enough physical and emotional space. Both of you should spend time with your family and friends.

What are the things you will not negotiate about?

Everyone has some things they don’t feel like compromising on. It can be something as trivial as sleeping on a particular side of the bed. Know each other’s non-negotiables well so that they don’t come as a surprise to you after marriage. Try to be a flexible and understanding partner.

Do you have a will? 

It’s wise to have a will written before going through the legal procedure. You will eventually want to leave everything to your partner and vice versa, but things can get complicated if you have other expectations. So, making a proper legal arrangement will help you avoid problems in the future.

What do you want to happen to yourself after death? 

This might sound like a morbid question to ask a partner before getting married, but it must be discussed. Losing someone leads you to go through terrible trauma. So, if your partner has an idea about how their funeral should be, know about it before getting married. 

What is your idea of pets? 

Another important matter of conflict between partners is one loving pets and the other not. So, if you are a cat or a dog man, don’t forget to discuss with your partner if they are okay with having a pet in your home. This will protect you from further embarrassment.

What are your marriage deal breakers? 

Everybody has their deal breakers. Be honest about yours and make your partner feel comfortable enough to discuss theirs too. Discuss among yourselves and see if your deal breakers are reasonable or not. Therefore, before proceeding with the relationship, you can prepare yourself to put up with your prospective partner. 

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Deal breakers you should never put up with:

  • Your partner cannot abuse you, physically or emotionally.
  • Your partner cannot keep you a scert.
  • Your partner cannot always cancel plans.
  • Your partner has substance abuse issues.
  • Your partner lacks honesty and integrity.
  • Your partner gets involved in ugly fights with you.
  • You have a bad feeling about this relationship.
  • You want different things.
  • Your partner is self-obsessed.
  • Your partner is always arrogant and jealous.

What does cheating mean to you? 

The concept of betrayal is different for different people. While some are okay with their partners meeting other people, some might be a bit over possessive. So before getting married, learn about your partner’s preferences regarding cheating and infidelity in a marriage. Try to respect their opinion equally as yours.

Who is the most important person in your life? 

Before getting married, you should learn about your partner’s priorities. Discuss with each other the closest people in your lives. This helps you to validate each other’s loved ones after marriage. Also, if your partner’s priority is their family, you get an idea about the kind of person they are.

What is your idea of retired life? 

People have different preferences about spending their retired life. While some think about selling their house and buying a villa by the beach, others may have different plans. So, if you want to get a future glimpse of your life, discuss each other’s ideas of retired life before getting married. 

What is your love language? 

People express love for their partners in their specific way. So, if you are familiar with your partner’s love language, it helps you to adjust your expectations from the marriage. Also, this helps you develop a better understanding; you know they are expressing their adoration when they do something specific. 

How do you deal with negative feelings?

Every person goes through anxiety, depression, and other related negative feelings. You must be aware of your partner’s way of dealing with such emotions; otherwise, it would be difficult for you to adjust to their methods. Knowing about their reactions to negativity helps you handle your marriage and them efficiently.

What things about our life go on social media? 

While many people can’t live without Instagram, others like to keep their personal lives private. So, if your prospective partner doesn’t want to put up every little detail of your life after marriage on social media, think if you can be okay with it. Learn to respect your partner‘s privacy.

Conclusion

Before you get married, these are some of the most important questions you should ask them. Proper communication and heart-to-heart interaction help you understand what you are getting into and also keep you safe from future disagreements and misunderstandings. Don’t be afraid to address your problems and convey your feelings.

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Things that can ruin a marriage:

  • Being fatigued with career, children, and other priorities.
  • Having financial issues.
  • Having problems accepting and validating each other.
  • Excessive invasion from family and friends.
  • Emotional wounds that have not been taken care of.
  • Absence of sexual intimacy and understanding.
  • A massive change is sweeping over your lives.
  • A sudden loss or overwhelming grief.
  • Mediocre mentalities and perspectives.
  • Bringing things from the past.

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