When people get into relationships, it is a beautiful feeling. It has been scientifically proven that the body reacts very favorably to us falling in love and that feeling of having someone to care for.
In the good old days, people would fall in love and stay together for years. But sadly, we are not living in the good old days anymore.
In today’s globalized world, people have to travel around the world as a part of their lives.
Important Things To Remember In A Long-Distance Relationship
No matter how much we would love to stay with the people we love, we are sometimes forced away from them, by our education, our jobs, or some family commitment. It is never easy. But we rarely can do anything about it.
Being away can be hurtful, and lonely. People develop all kinds of thoughts and insecurity when they stay away for long. And as such, it becomes imperative that people keep certain things in mind when they are in a long-distance relationship.
Get yourself prepared to put more effort
People in relationships should know that it is easier to get along when you see each other every day and spend a greater part of each day together. But when you move away, it gets tricky.
When people enter a long-distance relationship, they should know that they would need to work on their relationship much harder now than they used to before.
When you are closer to your partner, it is easier to maintain trust and openness. But not so much when you are miles apart.
Even the smallest half-truth or lie from your part can lead to your partner’s imaginations running wild.
Do not make assumptions
When you are far away from your partner do not resort to making assumptions. Do not assume that your partner understands why you did not reply to a particular text, or do not assume that your partner is busy with someone else because they did not reply to a particular text.
Imagination is your worst enemy when you are away from your partner. Be very frank in your conversations. Do not hide your insecurities or doubts.
Let your partner know all your inner feelings because they are not close to you to gauge by your behavior.
Frankness begets happiness
Being open can overcome most of the uncertainties that you might have. Frankness helps in:
- Establishing strong emotional support by letting the other person know your feelings.
- Removes any misinterpretations that might arise between partners.
- Improves the trust between partners when they realize that neither is hiding anything.
- Is relieving for you. It is way better to set your thoughts out in the open than to have them disturb your inner peace.
- Encourages your partner to open up more often following your cue.
Set the intervals of meeting and stick to it
When you are away from your partner there is always a danger of becoming complacent in your relationships. This is a very common mistake that people make. But being complacent in relationships can create many unexpected problems.
To avoid this, partners should make a very clear schedule as to when they would meet and stick to it.
Try to fix the intervals of the meeting constant and as often as possible. Even though your relationship might seem strong and going full steam when you are away, never underestimate the power of physical proximity.
Do away with excuses
Plans often fall through when you are together with your partner. That dinner at your favorite Chinese place fell through because both of you were too lazy to leave the couch.
That visit to the movie did not happen because both of you forgot to book the tickets.
And it is alright, because at the end of the day what matters is that you are together. But plans become much more important when you are far apart.
Sticking to the plans and keeping your promises cannot be bargained with. Treating the plans with irreverence should be avoided at all costs.
Perks of sticking to the plans-
When partners move apart, there emerges a lot of uncertainty. Plans help avoid some of them by:
- Making life a tad bit predictable. When partners know the next time, they will meet, separation becomes a little less painful. Separating without a plan leaves an abyss of uncertainty as to when they will meet again that is really hurtful.
- Shows your commitment to the partner. When you are in a long-distance relationship it is always advisable to show your commitment to the partner frequently. Reinforcing the values of a relationship is even more important when you are far apart.
Keep in contact as frequently as possible
You cannot text or call your partner enough when there are kilometers separating you. It is true that when partners move apart, they must be busy in their lives.
After all, they would not have moved apart for anything less than a mighty good reason to do so. But that should not mean that you stay unconnected for hours on end.
Keeping in contact in the smallest way throughout the day helps in keeping the relationship alive and going.
A text does not take much time or effort. Similarly, a call at frequent intervals can be done with ease. But the advantages they have on the relationship are massive.
Why no contact is meaningless?
It can often appear to partners who are close to each other that they do not necessarily have to keep connected throughout the day because they may meet up at the end of the day. But when in a long-distance relationship that is just not an option.
The smallest text or the briefest call carries significance. Partners can come up with a thousand easy reasons for not making that call or sending that text, but they only need one good reason to do it: to let the other person know that they miss them.
Why contacting helps?
Keeping in regular contact with your partner helps in:
- Getting you through a tough day. Sometimes all you need in the middle of a stressful day is to listen to the voice of your loved one.
- Keeping insecurities away. Nobody wants to be the person in a relationship who is insecure about their partner, but we are humans at the end of the day. Being in regular contact helps keep insecurities away as you know where your partner is at all times.
Keep the long-term picture in mind
Being in a long-term relationship is frustrating, to say the least. It is not natural for humans to stay away from each other for long durations and be in a committed relationship.
You look around and see couples living together, going out together, and having a fulfilling life together. It all might look extremely unfair to you. This can cause trouble in your relationships.
You might start doubting the rationale of continuing in the relationship and the smallest untoward incident can create irreparable damages in the relationship.
But at every point of the way, both the partners should keep the larger picture in mind.
Go back to the roots when it becomes difficult-
It is quite understandable for partners to get frustrated when they are apart. But when it all seems too much to handle, try going back to roots, to the very origin. Recall why the two of you got into a relationship in the first place.
And remember the future that the two of you had envisioned together. Think of all the good times you had and all the wonderful times that lie ahead. Convince yourself that the future is too good to compromise for a little friction in the present.
Ways to paint the larger picture-
It is easier said than done to look at the larger picture. At times, the relationship can seem not worth it at all. Some ways in which couples can think of a better future is by:
- Planning on the city to move in together. By making concrete plans about which city, you can move to together, you can create a picture of certainty in the future.
- By checking out dream houses together, you can try to foresee how happy the future can be.
- By engaging in frank discussions about the future of your relationships including the prospects of moving in together, getting married, and having kids. This helps in providing a much more concrete structure to your future together rather than leave it as an abstract idea.
Leave nothing uncelebrated
When the partners are apart, it is imperative that you celebrate every single occasion. It is alright to be a tad bit cynical and not give importance to your seven-month anniversary when you share the same flat, but not when a massive ocean separates you two.
Be sure that all occasions are celebrated. When you are apart, you realize how valuable the few days that you get together are.
So, try and remember the most mundane achievements and milestones, and anniversaries. Give yourselves a reason to be happy together as often as possible. It would help the two of you appreciate this relationship ever more.
Make each other feel special-
When the partners move apart, it gets progressively difficult to show your appreciation and love. You do not get to hold them as often and most of the daily conversations revolve around how their days were. It can all get a bit monotonous and in a long-distance relationship, the monotone can be killing.
And when you talk about celebrations, it does not have to be a major occasion as well. One of you cooking successfully for the first time or passing a test or learning how to drive, absolutely any occasion can be made worthy of a celebration.
Celebrating to keep the mundane away–
Celebrating and keeping each other cheerful can make your relationship feel uplifting. It helps in:
- Reducing the stress of being away from each other. Celebrating occasions virtually can make you feel a lot closer.
- Letting the other person know that you still appreciate their smallest achievements. Support and respect are the cornerstones of any relationship. And celebrating each other’s achievements is a way of showing that. Do not let the distance between you play spoilsport.
Set up romantic nights on video calls
Talking over calls and texting is good to maintain communication. But is that enough? Obviously maintaining communication is important. But that is just the basic requirement in a relationship.
You need to keep the so-called spark alive. You need to work towards making each other feel wanted. In short, you need to work towards keeping the romance alive.
Schedule video calls at regular intervals to resemble a date night and get cozy together. Distances can play havoc with your feelings.
Date nights over video calls can be the perfect way of feeling closer to your partner when the distances start to feel too much.
Thank technology for playing its part-
We are lucky that we get to see our loved ones and talk to them face to face. Imagine till a few years back when the only means of communication were textual or audio. With Skype and other video call apps, you can see your loved ones far away.
In a long-distance relationship, seeing each other regularly can make you feel more committed, strong, and patient. Set up date nights and feel closer to each other over video calls.
Never underestimate the power of surprises
Everyone loves pleasant surprises. Being able to surprise your partner is a prerequisite for a long successful relationship. If you can keep your partner on his or her toes, rest assured you are in for the long haul.
And the significance of surprises is even more when you are in a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationships can become extremely predictable.
You talk every day, call at a particular time, meet each other as per pre-arranged schedules. The vital element of surprise goes missing. Since both of you are busy most of the time, surprises are risky as well, as they may fall flat quite easily. What can be done in such cases?
- Go ahead with your gut feeling and just plan your surprises.
- It could be anything, you dropping in at her place unannounced, or you buying him a ticket to come to visit you. The important thing is to totally take them off their feet.
- Make their days better by dropping in out of nowhere.
There is a fair chance that you may not be able to spend much time with them, maybe they are too busy,
but at the end of the day, all that matters is you tried. You made the effort. and in a relationship that is spread across distances, your efforts can make a heck of a difference.
Know your financials
Long-term relationships can be mentally taxing. It takes a lot of effort on the part of either partner to keep it alive and relevant. But physical proximity is important and therefore traveling to be with each other is required.
It often happens that in the passion of the moment people usually fail to analyze the significant costs they incur as a result of traveling regularly over long distances.
At the initial stages, the partners travel to meet each other frequently and gradually realize that they cannot keep up with this practice as they are draining financially. And this just adds to the troubles.
The expenses incurred are not just a result of travel, it could also be a result of international phone calls, extra internet data usage, etc.
Partners need to plan their financials efficiently so that they can keep traveling and talking for a longer period of time. Be rational in the ways that you spend your money.
Get into airline loyalty programmers, get credit cards with air miles on them, get the cheapest international call packages and try connecting with your partner when data charges are lower.
These are some methods to retain your financial health while dealing in long-distance relationships.
Not all visits will be perfect
Each and every visit attains significance when you are in a long-distance relationship. They are planned in advance and are eagerly awaited. You imagine how much fun you guys will have together and make detailed plans of the things to do during that brief window.
But if life is anything, it is uncertain. For all the plans made and the love you have for each other, the visits might blow up big time.
Maybe you travel and find her tensed about an upcoming project or you wait for him to come only to find him preoccupied with his clients on the phone. The visit might be ruined. But know this, it is perfectly fine if they are not perfect.
Love the imperfections-
Some visits will be horrible and live with it. Do not overthink and try to give meanings for actions where there are none. Get over those imperfect visits, talk it out with your partners and wait for the next one.
Promise yourself that both of you would do your best to make up for this visit in the next one. Stick to each other, for that is the only way out of this.
Long-distance relationships will have their fair share of troubles. It is perfectly normal to have doubts, feel attracted to someone else, or get into nasty fights with your partner.
But at the end of the day, you know that your partner is the only person for whom you are willing to go through all this trouble. And that alone is reason enough to work through this.
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“Compassion, understanding, and connection” – these three words describe me the best. I founded “TheLoveBoy” to share joy of Love. As a self-taught practitioner, I have been studying the dynamics of human connection for the past decade and my passion lies in sharing my insights with others. My mission is to help individuals cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships