We often tend to take our loved ones for granted. We vent out our suppressed anger on them.
This usually makes many people more abusive in a relationship – not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well.
What you need to understand that your partner is still there with you even after how inconsiderate you are. After all, you are a human being and not some wild animal who has just been banished from their jungle.
Some Ways that You Can Stop Being Abusive to Your Partner.
Lay down the problem. Firstly, chalk out the problem that is causing you to behave abusively towards your partner. You need to know exactly what has triggering you to become repulsive and aggressive in situations.
Understand what causes physical abuse. There have been several types of research that have suggested that humans tend to get abusive when their expectations are not met. You might be expecting a certain type of behavior from your partner but they might not be responding that way. This might cause you to feel aggressive towards them.
Understand how you are being abusive. Sometimes, we are so caught up deep within our heads that we in ourselves do not understand what is getting us abusive. You need to know what things you are doing so as to understand your actions when you are getting abusive.
Violence is not the reason behind the problem. Sometimes violence is not the only reason that causes physical abuse to be triggered. The problem is more often than not emotional which stimulates the brain to act in a certain way.
You need to know what is triggering the violence. You need to know what exactly and when exactly you tend to get aggressive and violent.
Find the root cause of your problem. Sometimes, while seeing the larger and clearer picture, we miss out on the root causes that are causing the problem in the first place.
How to cope up with violence. Whenever you feel the need to be violent, try and resist that urge. It is completely senseless and never has violence brought out good results in relationships. Understand your partner’s emotions.
Learn to respect your partner’s body. Would you like it if someone uses you as an object and does not give respect to your body? If not, you should learn how to respect someone else’s body too. Our bodies are all that we will ever really have. So never try and humiliate another person’s body.
Know if you are an abusive person. You need to have a reality check and understand if you are an abusive person. Don’t get too caught up deep within yourself that you let all the superiority get to your head.
Take therapy sessions. Sometimes we need external forces to change us and bring us on the right track. Getting anger management classes or mental therapy from a professional can make you become a better person.
Enroll in anger management classes. Like the last point, try and enroll yourself in an anger management class. That way you will be guided to manage stress and anger and also understand things that are necessarily getting you all heated up like an animal.
Try to be more accepting and human. You need to understand that humans are susceptible to error and everyone has weaknesses. You need to be aware of your own flaws and accept them. This way you will also be more accepting of other people’s flaws.
Resist your natural urge to feel jealous. Many people are extremely possessive of their partner and become easily jealous of their partner’s actions. Try to let go a little. You can’t control another person. If they have to stay, they will.
Resist being overly possessive. Just like the above point, you need to learn to be open. Your partner is also a human being and has social needs. Having friends of the opposite gender is healthy. You need to work on building more trust with your partner.
Stop being aggressive. If you have an innate temptation to become aggressive out of nowhere, try and tell yourself that you are human and not an animal whenever you feel the need to be aggressive.
Talk it out with your partner. To understand your partner better, you need to talk it out with them, and in absolute detail. They might be enough reason for you to change. And it doesn’t get any better if they are the ones helping you become a better person.
Understand that your behavior is not right. You need to understand and accept that you are wrong. You are responsible for your actions. No one else is. Get over the fact that other people are making you do things. That just proves that you are more of a slave than a master.
Stop liking to be in charge. Many people suffer from a mental disorder often referred to as a superiority complex. This is a direct reflection of your insecurity that shows clearly you are not happy inside about yourself and you feel the constant need to prove that you’re the boss. Take it easy. You are just another human being.
Resist the urge to become dominating. It feels good to be in a position of power. That’s how humans are programmed to believe. You need to create the balance. It is good to have self-esteem but pathetic to be too proud of oneself.
Learn how to not be too controlling. If you feel the need to control things, understand that you are not the most superior force in this universe and you have limitations. No one else is here to act according to your whims and fancies. Do not curb your partner’s freedom.
Respect your partner’s individuality. If you honor your individuality and do things at your discretion, why won’t you allow others to do the same? Your partner needs their space too. They should have the freedom to do what they like too.
Give your partner freedom and space. Your partner needs some space of their own. Just because they are in a relationship with you does not mean that they need to comply with all your norms.
Learn how to deal with bad moods. You are your best friend. If you don’t know how to deal with bad moods, no one can help you. You need to know what exactly it takes to feel satisfied and what works best for your mental peace.
Be more accepting and open-minded. In order to maintain peace of mind and stay cool and composed, you need to understand that no one is perfect and everyone has their own shortcomings. You need to be more accepting of others’ flaws and your own flaws as well.
Understand that you love your partner. You need to realize how it all started between you and your partner. Would you want to hurt your partner for no reason? Do you want to see them live life half-heartedly? If not, then why do something that would not only physically hurt them but also mentally and emotionally?
Know if you can do this alone. No person is superhuman enough to fight all their battles alone. You need to understand that one can’t change themselves overnight all by themselves.
Lookout for help from friends and family. When things go south, you need to rely and lean on the people who are closest to you and not take untoward advantage of your vulnerabilities. Talk to your friends and family and seek help.
Enroll for a hobby. More often than not people tend to be aggressive when they are frustrated deep down or overly stressed. Having a passion can be an easy, positive, and transforming escape route to help you come out of your dark persona.
Learn how to be respectful towards others. If you think you need to be respected, you need to give back and pay respect to others as well. If you are disrespectful, remember that people will leave you someday or the other.
Get over your past traumas. If there is something unfortunate that haunts you from the past, try and go to a counselor. Get rid of these traumas. You need to let go of your past in order to have a better present and an even better future.
Go for counseling. Mental therapy and counseling sessions are extremely helpful when it comes to coping out with mental problems. They are great to help you understand what exactly is causing you to behave in certain ways.
Start meditating and exercising. In order to maintain a measure of mental peace, you need to cool down your mind first. You need to focus on how beautiful life is and see the brighter side of life. For this, meditation is an excellent way to bring your mind to a balance. Also, exercising is a great way to vent out your anger. A healthier body leads to a healthier mind.
Find out ways to deal with stress. Every person has a particular way to deal with stress. In order to beat out stress, you need to focus on things that make you happy. You need to discover yourself as an individual.
Admit to yourself that you are abusive. Sometimes people are so carried away with their own actions that they are blind to see how they truly are in reality. Often, you need to give yourself a reality check. You need to admit to yourself that you are abusive and a bad person. Even if you aren’t a bad person deep down, you need to understand that your actions will portray the opposite to the world outside you. The world will judge your actions and form a perception of you.
Learn how to be a better person. No human being is perfect. But there are human beings who are better than others. You need to find inspiration from healthy people. These people might not necessarily be famous, but it could be anyone who you spend a considerable amount of time daily. You need to seek help and gain inspiration from people who are better off than you are at handling stress, managing anger and always trying to portray a positive personality.
Appreciate your partner. As stated above, you need to start looking at the brighter side of life. This also includes trying to appreciate all the good qualities that your partner has. You need to understand how they are as humans and focus on their good qualities. This will reduce your urge to initiate a sense of hostility with your partner.
Decide to change for the better. Remember that at the end of the day, it is your life and you are the master of your doings. You need to have enough willpower and courage to take a firm decision to simply become a better human and change your unruly and abusive self.
Take responsibility for your actions. You can’t always blame others and your circumstances for everything that goes wrong in your life. Remember those bad things happen to everyone. But everyone has an innate ability to react in the best way possible. The real test in life is to be mature enough and judge the situation best to react in the best way possible and not the easiest way possible. Most people tend to get abusive because they are simply escapists. They can’t accept the situation they are in and eventually become frustrated.
Don’t give in to your own made-up excuses. We as humans tend to imagine and show ourselves that we are always right. Most humans have their own imagination and their version of the truth. You need to think and see things clearly and not pacify yourself with reasons that you feel are justified. In saying this, you also need to stop giving yourself excuses and falsely justifying your actions.
Be accepting of who you are. You need to be accepting of how you are as a person. The first step to change is identifying and accepting the truth. If you try to escape from the truth, you will never be able to change yourself because you will possibly live more in a dream than you would in reality.
Learn to forgive yourself. People make mistakes. But when the same mistakes are repeated, they often become unbearable. If you have been abusive, it is time you forgive yourself. You might be stuck in a situation when you do not have complete control of your own self and your own actions. You might not want to behave in a certain way, but more often than not you give in to your impulses. Resist them.
Be realistic with your expectations. If you expect too much from your partner or too much from yourself, you need to understand that things will not always go according to your whims and fancies. You need to expect only that much that you can reciprocate.
Understand that you both have humans feelings. You and your partner are human and that gives you to power to control your situation. Being human means that you two are intelligent and mature enough to talk it out seriously rather than cursing and abusing each other.
Learn how harmful violence and aggression are. The biggest battles and the biggest wars have shown enough violence and aggression. Have they brought out good and positive results? No war has ever brought complete good. Moreover, most cases of violence and aggression often tend to bring destruction. You need to realize that. You need to understand how negative it is to be violent and aggressive for no reason. You might be the reason why others are not interested in living.
Start living in reality. You need to be fully present in the moment. Stop being caught up in your own mind and trying to make things go in your own specific way. Try and do things that will rebuild your relationship with your partner.
Do not find ways to escape. While trying to cope up with your faults, do not get exhausted and try to find an escape route. Many people become abusers of various substances because they can’t accept reality and cannot fight their dark selves. It is a battle that needs to be fought within your mind. It is you who needs to overcome yourself. Try and talk to your own self and understand yourself better.
Everyone doesn’t get second chances. If you have been abusive for long enough and your partner still has a ray of hope about you changing, consider yourself extremely lucky. This shows how much they truly love you and want to be with you. Do you understand how much pain you are causing to your partner – someone who truly cares about you? Most people would do anything to find true love. Everyone looks for someone like this. Life does not always give everyone a second chance. Before it is too late, you need to change or else you will be the person who will lose out.
Start loving your partner once again. The strongest weapon that human beings have is the ability to love. Love conquers all other emotions. We all crave love and should also learn how to love. Start trying to love your partner once again. Do those little things that make you two comfortable with one another! Go up to them and hug them. Tell them that you love them and do not want to lose them.
Fall in love with your life. Afresh. Once you start to make changes to your life and how you are as a human, start to love and live life freely once again. Understand how beautiful life is and do things that make you happy. Things feel even better when you are holding the hands of someone you love and are experiencing the best moments together.
Seek help and Reinvent yourself. Once you start becoming better and know how to evade being abusive, seek more help to become even better. Reinvent yourself and make yourself known to people by showing how much you have to make things go right. People will automatically love and respect you more.
The fact that you have realized that you are abusive and want to change for the better is enough to kickstart the process. Changing oneself is a long and hard process. But once you are out of the darkness, you will never want to go back! It will all be worth it! Happy living!
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“Compassion, understanding, and connection” – these three words describe me the best. I founded “TheLoveBoy” to share joy of Love. As a self-taught practitioner, I have been studying the dynamics of human connection for the past decade and my passion lies in sharing my insights with others. My mission is to help individuals cultivate deeper and more meaningful relationships