100 Tips to Understand Partner with ADHD

When you are in a relationship, at times you have to face certain problems that can lead to ugly arguments especially if your partner is suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Understanding an ADHD person is a very sensitive affair. If you are in a relationship where your partner is diagnosed with ADHD or you see such behavioral traits.

Tips that you can follow to understand your partner better.

1. Spend time laughing together. Laughing is good for health and most importantly it helps lower blood pressure. Laughing together will give your partner the feeling that you enjoy his/her company.

2. Spend some time romantically. It is very important to give your partner the right attention- both mentally and physically. And, physical satisfaction or attention is very important in any relationship. Especially if it’s a case of ADHD, you will have to devote much more time for romancing than usual.

3. Have a thorough knowledge of ADHD. There are a lot of videos on the internet and various articles in abundance which discuss ADHD. Make sure you go through some of them.

4. Medication is important. If you notice that despite everything, there is no improvement in your partner’s behavior, seek help from an expert.

5. Don’t rely completely on medicines. Medicines are important as mentioned earlier, but you cannot completely rely on them as your partner will need all the attention from you too.

6. Do not compare your partner’s ADHD symptoms with others. This is important Most people show the same symptoms but you should never compare your partner with others especially in front of him/her. This will make him/her feel unwanted.

7. Respect your partner. This might seem a minimal thing, but remember your ill-behavior can take a toll on your partner’s mental health.

8. Manage your anger. You should remember that you will have to be patient with your partner and if you react often, that can be an adverse effect on the relationship.

9. Do an activity together like swimming. Swimming helps lower blood pressure and rejuvenates both the body and mind. Not only that but spending time together will help you understand your partner better.

10. Go for a vacation together. This will help you both leave aside all the pressure and tension and enjoy. A trip together will be a breath of fresh air for your partner.

11. Have sex often. This might sound out of place but this will help you both connect.

12. Go for evening walks. This will help your partner to focus on one thing and spending time together will keep him/her away from all sorts of distractions.

13. Don’t force to change your partner. Give him/her space and the time to adjust. Do not force him/her to change.

14. Don’t have an attitude that will make your ADHD partner think that you are superior. You aren’t superior; you are just a bit more organized. Use your organizational skills to guide your partner.

15. Adjust to be around the partner. The earlier you adjust the stronger you will be emotional. Do not nag and find ways to deal with it.

16. Keep away from preconceptions. Use your intellectual faculty to understand your partner rather than listening to someone inexperienced in this situation.

17. Look for the addictive nature of your partner. Make sure, your partner is not taking drugs or alcohol to deal with ADHD. If he/she is, address the issue but be calm.

18. Help your partner sleep. If required, set up a sleep routine, so that your partner gets the adequate sleep that is required Inadequate sleep can aggravate ADHD.

19. Go to bed together. Whether you both will be spending time sexually or not, go to bed together and listen to your partner’s grievances and sort them out together.

20. Contact a sleep center if required. If your partner is having trouble sleeping, contact a sleep center to address the issue. The earlier this is addressed, the faster the symptoms will reduce.

21. Cuddle more often. Start the day cuddling without getting involved sexually. This will help your partner have an easier day and feel good about himself/herself.

22. Reassure your partner with your touches. This is very important. Make sure your partner feels comfortable and loved at all times.

23. Write down notes for your partner. People with ADHD tend to forget things, so leave behind sticky notes to help them with important things.

24. Smile and help your partner smile. Always be positive around your partner and put in an extra effort to make him/her smile.

25. Make sure you help your partner be organized. ADHD people tend to overspend. Help him/her to keep a track of all the expenses.

26. Give him/her a break. Let your partner rest and do the daily household chores once in a while.

27. Have a meeting with your partner. Meeting here refers to a casual discussion to talk about each other and understand each other better.

28. Do not argue much. Make sure to stop the argument before it aggravates and leads to something worse.

29. Do not let your partner judge the future concerning the past. Make your partner realize that the future cannot be judged by the past. Motivate yourself and keep your partner motivated.

30. Learn to forgive. You might not like all the things that your partner does and even if he/she does something wrong, learn to overlook it and forgive.

31. Help your partner dream. Let your partner know that you both are in this together and you see him/her in your future. This will make him/her feel wanted and loved.

32. Create a quiet corner in your house. ADHD people prefer silence over chaos, so make sure you have a room with minimal lights and absolutely noise-free.

33. Help your partner control his/her impulse. ADHD people tend to say unnecessary or inappropriate things when they are agitated. To control your partner during such situations, give him/her a candy to suck on which will help to relax.

34. Do not remind your partner to take his/her medicines most of the time. Let them take care of themselves and keep a track of their medications. But, be around to guide them.

35. Understand that ADHD patients do get distracted easily. You need to adjust to it and when you see him/her getting distracted during a conversation, ask him/her again about what he/she was talking about.

36. Allow your partner to grieve. If your partner is having a rough day or he/she is reminded of a bad incident that occurred in the past, give them the space to cry and let it out.

37. Help your partner to appreciate the present. Do not let your partner grieve much thinking about the past and also do not let them worry about what is going to happen in the future. Help him/her to love the present and enjoy every minute of it.

38. Give your partner validation. This is a way of showing that you acknowledge his/her opinions and ideas too.

39. Realise that at times you won’t understand what your partner is going through. You need to realize that the way your partner approaches life is different from how you do. Acceptance is required.

40. Listen closely to what your partner has to say. In a relationship where one is ADHD and another person is non-ADHD, there will always be differences in opinions, so make sure all your doubts are clear and try to understand each other better.

41. Go with the flow. Accept the flaws and go with the flow. Do not force your likings on your partner.

42. Help your partner be organized. The organization is very important if someone is suffering from ADHD. Help your partner be organized both mentally and physically.

43. Read a lot about ADHD. Keep yourself updated about new research papers or articles which will help you understand your partner better.

44. You need to understand that your partner has an active mind. Even if you try you cannot force them to stop overthinking. You will have to adjust.

45. You will have to realize that your partner finds it difficult to understand what you are saying. As mentioned earlier, ADHD patients find it difficult to understand what you mean to say. Your partner will tend to misunderstand what you are saying.

46. Help your partner deal with anxiety. If your partner is suffering from ADHD, you will have to understand that they get easily anxious and you will have to stay calm.

47. Realise that ADHD patients have trouble concentrating when they are emotional. Give them their space instead of asking them continuously what is wrong.

48. Realise that when your partner is concentrating, he/she will do it intensely. This has its pros and cons. You will have to adjust accordingly.

49. Your partner might face a problem stopping what they are doing when they are concentrating too much. This is a dominant trait in every ADHD patient. Do not force your partner much to meet your expectations.

50. Help your partner to judge his/her emotions. This is important because it is very difficult to understand what an ADHD patient is feeling. 

51. Do not take everything into account what your partner is saying out of anger. ADHD patients tend to have verbal outbursts that they regret later. So, make sure you try to understand and react accordingly during such situations.

52. Realise that ADHD patients have social anxiety. They won’t socialize much with people they do not know. Make sure, you do not force your partner to do so if he/she is uncomfortable.

53. ADHD patients are intuitive. Understand your partner’s intuitions are right and that is a good trait.

54. ADHD patients are impatient. You will have to deal with it and understand that your partner can get fidgety at times too. 

55. Understand the fact that your partner will think out of the box. Your thought process will not match with your partner’s, so you should also see things the way he/she is seeing.

56. Understand your partner can get physically sensitive. Your partner will feel weak and tired and you need to respect and understand that.

57. Give your partner space. Your partner will need space to adjust as their mind is continuously racing.

58. Your partner will avoid doing certain tasks. You will have to understand. You cannot force him/her to do a task forcibly.

59. ADHD patients tend to multi-task. You will find your partner doing a lot of tasks at the same time. Do not intrude in what he/she is doing but make sure that he/she is not harming himself/herself.

60. ADHD patients are passionate about what they do. Acknowledge this and motivate him/her to do what he/she loves to do.

61. Do not assume what your partner is feeling. If you have any questions regarding anything, ask your partner without assuming it.

62. Respect each other’s values. This is very important so that you can make your partner feel loved and wanted.

63. Make sure you both have some ground rules. This will help you understand each other better and also feel good about each other.

64. Concentrate on feelings. ADHD patients want their partner to focus on their feelings which makes them feel safe and secure.

65. Learn about his/her daily routine. This will give you a clear idea about when you can spend time with him/her and when you should give him/her space.

66. Keep a check on how your partner is performing at his/her workplace. This will help you address the issues better.

67. Do not judge your partner by overhearing a conversation. This will let your partner have trust issues.

68. Ask him/her about what he/she is going through. The more you talk freely with your partner, the more knowledge you will gather, and that will help you assess the situation better.

69. Try to understand the situation from your partner’s point of view. This is important as this will help you understand better what your partner is going through.

70. Always be optimistic. Having an optimistic approach towards life can influence your partner greatly and it will help him/her recover quickly.

71. Communication is the key. Let your partner feel that you are there to hear him/her out at any time of the day.

72. Learn to divide certain tasks. This will help you both get involved in the daily household chores and also be a good way of assessing your partner.

73. Fix up a time during the day to spend time together. You should be emotionally intimate with your partner. The more you spend time with him/her, the faster they will recover.

74. Try and understand his/her situation during a conversation. This will send a message to your partner that you are doing your best to understand him/her.

75. Do not act like a parent. If you yell like a parent or keep a continuous check on what he/she is doing, he/she will stop opening up about the problems and become more unorganized.

76. Encourage your partner to seek medical help and the right treatment. Be gentle with your partner and make him/her understand that seeking medical treatment will help them recover from the pain faster.

77. Attend ADHD seminars together. This will not only educate you both but will help you understand each other’s situation better.

78. You both will have to work on the relationship. Just because your partner is suffering from ADHD, that doesn’t mean you’ll not adjust. You will have to adjust accordingly and help your partner out.

79. Empathise. Learn to empathize to understand your partner’s state of mind the best. Respect the struggle that your partner is going through daily and always have an attitude to help him/her out whenever required.

80. Go out on weekend trips. This will be like a change in the wind for your partner and help relax his/her nerves too.

81. Give your partner when he/she is doing what she likes. Your hobbies might not match with your partner’s, but show interest in what he/she is doing.

82. Get your partner articles that talk about ADHD. As much as you need to be educated about ADHD, it is also responsible to help your partner tackle the situation too without giving up.

83. Learn to delegate tasks. This is like a workout routine for people suffering from ADHD. This will gradually make your partner organized.

84. Take some time off to gather your emotions. You might get overwhelmed seeing your partner’s continuous behavior changes, but you will have to stay strong to help your partner out.

85. Understand the difference between “can’t” and “won’t”. Try and access the way your partner is reacting during a conversation and accordingly know when to draw the line before the situation aggravates.

86. Do not criticize your partner’s behavior concerning the medication. If you see your partner is over-reacting to every small thing that you say, do not pre-assume that he/she hasn’t had the prescribed medicines. This will make him/her feel ill about himself/herself.

87. Show your concern. ADHD patients are emotionally sensitive, so you should show your concern most of the time so that your partner feels that you care for him/her.

88. Encouragement is necessary. Your partner will feel low throughout the day but if he/she achieved something, be proud of it and encourage them more.

89. Learn to accept the imperfections. Accept your partner the way he/she is and do not try to change him/her.

90. Look out for the good things in your partner. Not everything about your partner is bad. Be vocal about the good things which will help him/her to work on their strong points.

91. Learn to prioritize your conflicts. Do not react negatively during an argument because that takes a toll on the relationship and also on the mental health of your partner. Learn not to fight over trivial matters.

92. Let your partner know that you both are in this together. Being on the same team is very important as it will be like moral support to your partner who is struggling.

93. Be compassionate. Do not judge when your partner is overreacting or frustrated. Try to understand the situation and give him/her the warmth that is required.

94. Help your partner appreciate failure too. Do not have an attitude that will intimidate your partner from doing the same task which he/she had failed earlier. Do not make him/her feel scared to fail again.

95. Try and focus on your partner’s intentions. Your partner might not gather all the information but they will listen to you intently.

96. Let your partner express his/her emotions. Create an environment that will help your partner express his/her emotions. If your partner starts bottling up his/her emotions, it will make aggravate the situation.

97. Realise you are not a mind reader. The earlier you accept this the better you will judge the situation. 

98. Look for the amusing part in an argument. It is important to laugh and you will have to stay calm and composed to understand your partner. While arguing, look for the funny part that will give you both a hearty laugh.

99. Do not interrupt when your partner is speaking. Learn to listen and understand what your partner has to say. Even if you do not like what he/she is saying, listen quietly to exactly understand what he/she means to say.

100. Help your partner to stick to the tasks that have been assigned. ADHD patients are not good with organizational skills. But you should make sure that your partner is doing the work that has been assigned. Encourage and motivate now and then.

Being in a ‘mixed’ relationship is not an easy thing but if you try and follow the above-mentioned tips, it can help you take care of both yourself and your partner. Everything is curable but you should know to address the symptoms at the early stages.

Tips To Understand Partner With ADHD

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