Why Am I Jealous Of My Boyfriend’s Ex?

We have all been there. A feeling of jealousy every time our boyfriends mention their exes. If you are unsure if you are jealous, here are some reasons and signs to confirm your feelings. If you have any of these habits, you must work on overcoming those negative feelings.

Reasons for Why Am I Jealous of My Boyfriend’s Ex?

1. You keep checking up on them regularly. You often browse through your boyfriend’s ex’s profile because you are jealous of them. You have a constantly inexplicable curiosity to find out what’s happening in their lives and feel like every post or photo has something to do with your relationship.

2. You try to follow them around. If you meet your boyfriend’s ex by chance, you try to follow them and see where they are going or what they are doing. Your insecurities about their presence in your partner‘s life make you constantly afraid that they might try to come back.

3. You are furious when they make any contact with your boyfriend. Even if your partner shares a healthy relationship with his ex, it infuriates you when they try to make any communication. You think they were very important to him once and feel like they still hold the same position.

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Ways to Control Your Anger:

  • Take a deep breath.
  • Go on a walk.
  • Relax your muscles.
  • Say a mantra to yourself.
  • Escape from the situation mentally.
  • Listen to music.
  • Stop talking to anyone.
  • Take a timeout.
  • Think before you speak or act.
  • Meditate to calm yourself.

4. You think they are trying to intervene in your social circle. It is common for your boyfriend and his ex to have common friends you also know. Whenever you find their presence in any aspect of your partner’s life, it bothers you and makes you feel more jealous and upset.

5. You question their relationship. Even though your partner said he shares an amicable and open relationship with his ex, where they are just comfortable in each other’s presence, you constantly question their connection. You are unsure about the changes in their connection after they have moved on from the relationship.

6. You try to tell your partner how to behave with their ex. Since you are the person they are currently in a relationship with; you think that gives you the authority to dictate how they should behave with their ex. You try to guide them into being hurtful or offensive.

7. You fail to see the good in your boyfriend’s ex. A relationship may not work out for many reasons. Even if your partner‘s ex is a nice person, your jealousy and insecurity don’t let you see that. You fail to have a friendly understanding, no matter how hard you try.

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Habits that Make You a More Positive Person:

  • Have a routine for exercise.
  • Be more mindful.
  • Find out the funny side of everything.
  • Meditate more often.
  • Surround yourself with happy, fun-loving people.
  • Avoid developing invasive thoughts.
  • Have a balanced diet.
  • Seek solace in nature.
  • Work on your hobbies and passions.
  • Learn to deal with rejection

8. You stalk them constantly. You check your partner’s phone regularly to see if their ex is trying to contact them or get back to them somehow. A feeling of uneasiness and sus[icion in your heart doesn’t let you get over this dilemma until they have blocked their ex permanently.

9. You try to make them feel jealous by mentioning someone repeatedly. You want to know if your partner reacts the same way as you do; therefore, you constantly try to make them feel jealous. You start bringing up your past relationships and partners, eventually leading to bigger disputes between you.

10. You accuse them of cheating on you. It may happen that your boyfriend comes across their ex on the bus or someplace else, and they have lunch together. When you get to know about that, the innate jealousy and misunderstanding make you feel as if they have cheated on you.

11. You don’t want them to go out with their ex. If your boyfriend and his ex share the same workplace or group of friends, you will always be uncomfortable with them going out together. You stop them from contacting their exes because you don’t want them to get back together.

12. You try to control your boyfriend’s behavior. You think they should act in a certain way, and when it comes to their exes, you try to dictate the rules. For example, if he compliments photos of his ex on social media, you keep pestering him until he stops doing that.

13. You want them to explain themselves. You are never satisfied with their verbal confirmation about not having feelings towards their ex anymore. You want a constant affirmation that they don’t care about their ex and the past relationship, and all their love is dedicated to you and the present relationship.

14. You get angry when they talk about their ex. If your boyfriend praises his ex or talks about her frequently, that builds jealousy and insecurity in your heart because you feel they are still not over their past relationship. Hence, you try to make them turn away from their ex.

15. You want to know more about their past relationships. You are always curious to know more about your boyfriend’s past relationship, so you keep questioning them. You want to know if they shared a better connection and understanding with their ex and if their relationship was more fulfilling than yours.

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Effective Ways to Get Over a Past Relationship:

  • Take a break from social media.
  • Resist the temptation to run into them deliberately.
  • Visliuaze your future without them.
  • Don’t be in contact.
  • Seek support and compassion from your friends and family.
  • Go on a vacation.
  • Do something new that keeps you busy.
  • Start dating again.
  • Get professional help if needed.

16. What to do if you are jealous of your boyfriend’s ex?

Here are some ways you can apply to overcome those feelings. It depends on your will and strength, acceptance of the issue, and efforts to address the problem on your own. Don’t be ashamed of yourself but know that, with patience and determination, you will overcome this jealousy very soon.

17. Acknowledge your feelings. The first thing to do is to accept that you are feeling jealous. You don’t have to do anything to fight this feeling but acknowledging your mental state can help you overcome the situation more easily. Whatever the outcome is, you will never lose your mental peace.

18. Remind yourself that you cannot control your boyfriend. Their life and past relationships have nothing to do with you, and you should give them that space readily. Learn to have boundaries in a relationship and respect that your partner has them too. You cannot control their equation with their exes.

19. Rethink your perspective on relationships. If you have always considered jealousy and insecurity important, you must rethink your perspective. For example, if your partner adores someone else, even if it’s their exes, you don’t need to throw a jealous fit because that never means they do not love you anymore.

20. Believe yourself to be a very lovable person. We always think we are not the person someone would love and validate forever. Therefore, the first thing to do is to validate yourself and know that your partner keeping contact with his ex has nothing to do with your present relationship.

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Was to Love Your Life More:

  • Choose happiness over everything else.
  • Live in the moment.
  • Be your own friend and guide.
  • Make every moment count.
  • Do things that truly matter to you.
  • Make up for the time you have wasted.
  • Solve your problems yourself.
  • Know your limits.
  • Challenge yourself to get better every day.
  • Appreciate the little things in life.

21. Have high self-esteem. One of the most effective ways to control your jealousy is to have self-confidence and self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself and have enough faith in your partner, you will not let any jealousy or insecurity come in the way of a healthy and peaceful relationship.

22. Stop making comparisons. If you compare your relationship with your friends or others, you are just worsening the situation. Each relationship is different. Therefore, try to find a solution to your jealousy without pointing out how fulfilling other people or their relationships are to your partner. Focus on what you have.

23. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand why your partner had to split up with their ex. Avoid having hard feelings for someone you don’t know or are not in touch with. Think about how difficult it would have been for you to go through a similar breakup.

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Things to Not Do if You Want to Be More Considerate:

  • Don’t think of life as a zero-sum game.
  • Don’t say or act without thinking.
  • Don’t ask uncomfortable questions.
  • Don’t be late or indisciplined.
  • Don’t judge others.
  • Don’t give unwanted advice to others.
  • Don’t take others for granted.
  • Don’t leave people out.
  • Don’t lose your temper frequently.
  • Don’t be self-involved.

24. Understand that jealousy is not helpful in any way. Being jealous and selfish will not help make your relationship better. Instead, things will get rough between you and your partner when you bring up this topic, and you will not be able to maintain your intimacy and understanding with them.

25. Understand the reason for your jealousy. Know why you feel bad about your partner’s ex. Point out the weaknesses and expectations that trouble your heart and communicate about them with your partner openly. Speaking plainly about your problems would be a better way to overcome the jealousy in your heart.

26. Never hurt your partner. Even if you feel jealous and insecure right now, never hurt your partner, consciously or unconsciously. Remember that it must have been a painful experience for them to go through the breakup, too, and having the same conversation repeatedly can bring back difficult memories for them. 

27. Lay some ground rules. Always be on the same page with your partner. Understand what makes you jealous and let your partner know about your feelings. This way, if they care about you, they will make an effort to stop doing things that provoke insecurity and jealousy in your heart.

28. Avoid trying to control your partner. Have enough self-confidence to know that nobody can snatch away what rightly belongs to you. If you love your boyfriend, set him free. If he also feels the same way about you, he will always be there for you without letting you feel insecure.

29. Find out what evokes jealousy within you. If you find it difficult to deal with jealousy, take a break and get a little introspective. Find out the root cause of your jealousy and try to overcome those feelings first. Only you can find out a solution to this inner problem.

30. Seek professional help if needed. Often, things may get out of hand, and you will fail to control your emotions. Before it starts ruining your mental peace and relationship, seek professional help. Go to someone who will understand your feelings without judging you and will help you overcome your shortcomings.

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Reasons to See a Therapist:

  • The sadness you feel is overwhelming.
  • You feel helpless about everything.
  • Your friends and family cannot help you anymore.
  • You are getting attracted to drugs and alcohol.
  • You feel a big change happening to you.
  • You are recovering from the loss of a dear one.
  • You are not sure about your mental health.
  • You don’t have control over yourself.
  • You feel like nobody understands you.
  • You are struggling with family problems.

31. Be aware of your jealousy. Accept that jealousy is a very common emotion and will never go away. Even if it comes back again, try to have enough self-control and confidence to know that you will proactively eliminate those negative feelings as soon as they creep back into your heart.

Conclusion

Jealousy can be very harmful to your relationship. The quicker you can eradicate these feelings from your heart, the better you can understand yourself and protect your relationship. Don’t let baggage ruin the beautiful relationship you have built with your partner, having love and trust as its strongest pillars.

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Signs You Are Suffering from Depression:

  • You have frequent mood swings.
  • You have lost interest in everything.
  • You feel helpless and guilty for no reason.
  • You constantly think you are unworthy.
  • You have no sexual feelings.
  • You are always fatigued.
  • You cannot concentrate or remember properly.
  • You cannot sleep peacefully.
  • You don’t have an appetite,
  • You are irritated and restless.

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